Use of ‘Bapa’ by Non-Malays Banned

Some of the mentally challenged Malays teaching their kids how to be loving and tolerant

Juslo's Bawang

Friday, Feb 31, 2010, Kuala Lumpur – The Malaysian Government has just launched its “Protect 1Stupid Malaysia” Campaign today, which was officiated by the Prime Minster and attended by all the Malay leaders from the ruling party UMNO.

The Prime Minister launching his signature “Protect 1Stupid Malaysia” Campaign, with his wife and other UMNO leaders.

In his keynote address, the Prime Minister said:

“We all know that believing in Islam would make you stupid and vulnerable. (Some would say, ILLITERATE too – that’s why they couldn’t fucking tell that ‘Herald’ is actually a Catholic publication.) We also know that in Malaysia, by definition, all Muslims are also automatically Malays. That is why, the Malays/Muslims are a group of very easily confused people. So, the Government of Ketuanan Melayu has decided to launch this very important campaign to protect the stupid Malays of Malaysia.”

Under this campaign, apart from disagreeing with the court’s decision that the word ‘Allah’ could be used by non-Muslims (by appealing until the higher courts agree with the Government, as they are bound to), the Government will also ban the use of a few important words in the Malay language by non-Malays, so that eventually, the use of the Malay language in any way, shape or form by non-Malays would be banned altogether.

First off, the most popular word “Bapa” would be banned. The word means “father” in Malay. Based on our survey, English-speaking Westerners like to use the word “Papa” to refer to their fathers affectionately, and Chinese Malaysians also commonly use this word to call their fathers, albeit sounding more like “Baba”, “Aba” or just “Ba”. The PM explained that it is very important to ban the use of this word by non-Malays because:

“Let’s say a pious, highly educated Malay adult man with a highly successful professional career, walks on the street. Suddenly, he hears a little Chinese girl calls her Dad, “Baba”. Although this man is highly educated etc etc, to the Government he is STILL VERY STUPID (because as far as the Government is concerned, he is still a Malay), so he might suddenly become SOOOO confused and thought that the little Chinese girl’s Dad is actually his own “Bapa”!! How could a pious, good Malay call a kafir, Chinese pig “Bapa”?! We must never let this happen.

Not every father is a “Bapa”! So, non-Malays must not call their fathers “Bapa” or anything which remotely sound like that because we don’t want Malays to become confused about who are really their daddies. This would affect the supreme position of the stupid Malay fathers under the Malaysian Constitution and it is provocative to the stupid Malay fathers.

In the coming days, I shall ask all leaders of UMNO to suggest words which they think we should ban non-Malays in this country from using.”

Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms -- Proud Defenders of the rights of the Malay Race

All the Ministers from the UMNO party (Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms) fully support the PM’s new campaign.

Dato' Seri Hishammuddin Bin Tun Hussein, the PM’s cousin and a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that because this is Tanah Melayu (the ancestral land of the Malays), it is the right of the Malays in Malaysia to do whatever they like including to be stupid, and to FORCE OTHERS TO CHANGE their own cultures and methods of worship, in order to respect the Malays' right to stupidity. He said that he is willing to pull out his keris (the traditional Malay sword) to defend this right.

Not surprisingly, his suggested word for banning is “keris”, so that Malay men do not confuse it with “kiss” when it is time to do battle with the non-Malays who challenge this right to stupidity. "Bunuh kafir itu dengan keris (kill that infidel bastard with a keris)!!" might be misunderstood as "kill that infidel bastard with a kiss!!", he explained.

Hisham -- Kissing the Keris but not confused about Keris and Kiss

Dato' Seri Dr. Ahmad Zahid Bin Hamidi, a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that just because a Malay is not blind, can read, and can recognise his/her own father, let’s not forget that Malays tend to become stupid whenever they are exposed to non-Malay cultures. Whenever they come into contact with non-Malays, all of a sudden, their world became very confusing - because, according to Zahid, non-Malays are always out to use every means at their disposal to confuse the Malays. (But he did not elaborate on why he thought this was the case.)

That is why, it is the mission of UMNO to protect these Malays so that they can choose to continue to live like idiots, and also because it is only by continuing to make them idiots that they will continue to support and depend on UMNO. “It is a win-win situation. If your people are stupid, it is your job as a leader to keep them that way, not to reason with them or to make them smarter,” he added.

Zahid -- One of the brainiest leaders of his generation, extremely fluent in English

In fact, being one of the more brainy ones in UMNO, Zahid’s goal is more ambitious. He figured that by banning the use of certain words by non-Malays, non-Malays will ultimately also lose the use of that word, therefore becoming as stupid as the Malays too. So, He suggested that the word “Enjin” be banned from non-Malay use, so that non-Malays (whom UMNO accuse as forming the majority of the opposition politicians) would stop questioning the Government and him about the embarrassing theft of the 2 fighter jet engines from the country's top security air force base (which occurred when the current stupid Malay PM was the Defence Minister).

(However, he later withdrew the suggestion and aborted the interview immediately after being told by his aide that actually, the word “enjin” was a word borrowed from English.)

Meanwhile, Dato' Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the top woman leader of UMNO, became immediately hysterical -- in the true UMNO tradition -- when she was asked to comment. “A lot of stupid Malay mums have called my organization to ask what more could they do to protect their stupid children from becoming very confused. We are going to meet whoever we can meet to make sure that Malays don’t get confused about whether they are actually stupid or not. If need be, we will apply to meet the King,” she said in a statement.

Sharizat -- The Agong is our Agony Uncle

Naturally, being the top female Malay leader, she proposed the ban of the word “Mak” (meaning ‘mother’, in Malay language) as the obvious next step to the ban of “Bapa”. “If we don’t want stupid Malays to get confused about who are their fathers, surely we do not want them to get confused about who are their mothers either. In fact, I think, avoiding confusion about “Mak” is more important than not confusing “Bapa”, because nowadays, rich and powerful Malay men usually become very horny when they get older, so it is very common to have more than 1 “Mak” in a household, which can get very confusing for the kids.”

Finally, Datuk Seri Syed Hamid bin Syed Jaafar Albar, the ex-Minister who started all these controversies by imposing the ban of the non-Muslims’ use of the word ‘Allah’ even though non-Muslims in the country had been using it for hundreds of years even before Malaysia was born, said that the God-given right of Malays to act and talk like idiots and the Malay Rulers' role to protect the idiocy of the Malays was enshrined in the Constitution. Therefore, those who dare to question it should be immediately detained without trial for up to 2 years under the country’s Internal Security Act – for their own ‘protection’.

Syed Hamid -- His wisdom sent him into Happy Retirement

He suggested that the Malay word “Bodoh” (meaning ‘stupid’, in Malay language) should be banned from non-Malay use, because the word has now become too commonly used by non-Malays to call someone ‘stupid’ in an affectionate or joking way, such as "Eh, Bodoh lah you!" and do not mean it seriously. Therefore, Malays might get ‘confused’ and think that the person who is being called ‘Bodoh’ is seriously stupid, instead of only jokingly so.

“Because Malays are so stupid, they can’t tell if someone is joking or not. The pre-requisite to appreciating humour/have a sense of humour is intelligence, which unfortunately most Malays in UMNO and their ilk sadly lack,” he said, perhaps meant as an advice to the author of this post?

Parliamentary Votes by SMS Valid, says Court

"Aye or Nay? Aiya My Dear, you decide lah...
Just sms His Majesty for me after you decide, ok?"

Juslo's Bawang

LAGOS, Nigeria, 31 June 2020 - The Supreme Court today decided that His Majesty the King of Nigeria was entitled to sign into law the "Kill All Poor People" Bill passed by the Parliament of the Kingdom of Nigeria, last week, even though the Bill was passed via Short Message Service (or 'SMS', a form of text messaging on mobile phones) sent by 51 out of the 100 Members of Parliament to His Majesty's mobile phones.

The Chief Justice of the Nigerian Supreme Court writes in his decision:

"We follow the very famous decision in this area called Nizar v Zambry, by the Malaysian Court of Appeal, which decided in 2009 that:

"There is no mandatory, express requirement that provides for a motion of no-confidence to be passed in the State Assembly against the Respondent before he ceases to command the confidence of the majority.

The fact that the Respondent has ceased to command the confidence of the majority may be ascertained through extraneous means."

This means that HM the King was entitled to gather the votes of the Members of Parliament by such 'extraneous means' as he thinks appropriate."

Surely, 'extraneous means' can include by SMS."

Before this decision, the Supreme Court of New Zealand has also decided in 2018 that the King of New Zealand could conclude that the Parliament of that country has passed a Bill to castrate all male followers of the Catholic faith found in the country, the 'extraneous means' here being voting by the use of emails to the King. The New Zealand court also based its decision on the famous decision of Nizar v Zambry, by the Malaysian Court of Appeal in 2009.

And before the New Zealand case, the Supreme Court of Sri Lanka has also decided in 2015 that the King of Sri Lanka could conclude that the Parliament of that country has passed a Bill to ban all television stations in the country who criticised the ruling party, the 'extraneous means' here being voting by the use of 'circular resolutions' which were signed by the Members of Parliament from the ruling party while they were on holidays in foreign beaches and casinos. Again, the same famous decision by the Malaysian Court of Appeal in 2009 was followed.

And before the Sri Lanka case, the Supreme Court of Finland has also decided in 2013 that the King of Finland could conclude that the Parliament of that country has passed a Bill to pay 100 members of the King's royal household as well as each Member of the Parliament USD10 million a year for life, after the King gathered 'extraneous evidence' of the wishes of the Members of Parliament by chatting with them by the poolside while they were all having a wet-t-shirt party at the Palace over the weekend. The King of Findland called it a "Vote at the Palace". Again, the same famous decision by the Malaysian Court of Appeal in 2009 was followed.

And before the Finland case, the Supreme Court of Singapore has also decided in 2011 that the Emperor of Singapore could conclude that the Parliament of that country has passed a Bill to amend the Constitution of Singapore to appoint Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong as the Emperor of Singapore and abolish the Parliament forever, after the Emperor gathered 'extraneous evidence' of the wishes of the Members of Parliament by talking to each of them while they were all locked up in the Singapore Prison after being arrested under the Internal Security Act of Singapore for suggesting in Parliament that it was time for Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew to "retire graciously and stop behaving like he is the Emperor." Again, the same famous decision by the Malaysian Court of Appeal in 2009 was followed.

The Chief Justice of the Nigerian Supreme Court writes in his decision:

"Relax lah, people. What's the big deal??

Look, if you can decide on whether to change the leader of a Government by just talking to the Members of the Legislative Assembly outside of the Assembly and in the Palace, just like they did it in Perak, Malaysia, in that very famous decision, then why can't you do it via SMS?? After all, HELLO, we are at 21st Century already, and we should embrace the latest technology of the 21st Century!

Don't you guys watch the American Idol?? From what I understand, you can elect the American Idol by sending SMS, right?? So why not the passing of a Parliamentary vote? I personally think that there would be nothing wrong if the President of the USA should be elected by SMS.

Come on, our Members of Parliament are so busy nowadays! So, they shouldn't have to come to the stupid Parliament House to pass laws or elect Prime Ministers all the time! After all, company directors are allowed to pass Board Resolutions by written circulars (just sign the damn paper!), so why not our Members of Parliament? They should be allowed to do it wherever they are, whenever they want - just like we are entitled to order takeaway Chinese food via SMS and mobile phones. Why not?!

To us in the Court, we just don't understand why we should even have a Parliament House anymore. Indeed, why the f**k do we need the Speaker for?? (Especially when His Majesty the King doesn't mind becoming the part-time Speaker to count the votes for us...) It's a complete waste of taxpayers' money."

Meanwhile, the other 49 Members of Parliament who insisted that all votes by the Parliament should be taken in the Parliament were labeled as "belonging to the 20th Century" by the Chief Justice. The leader of this group of 49 MPs, Mr Neezal, said:

"The Members of Parliament, as the People's Representatives, are elected by the People to transact business in the Parliament for and on behalf of the People - NOT the Palace. The Parliament House is where the Sovereignty of the People lies. Whatever they want to say, they must say it in this place so that the People can see and hear us. Ultimately, we are accountable to the People, and so we must do it before the People's eyes, NOT the King.

In the old days before we have Constitutional Monarchy, the King (Executive Branch of the Government) was of course very powerful. Even today, the Executive Branch still controls the guns - the Police, the Military. Everything was done in a very non-transparent manner. Now, we have the Parliament, at least what we do inside Parliament is open to the public and recorded in the Hansard. But things you do in the Palace could be secret.

For example, everything we say in the Parliament is immune from being sued in court, so that we can speak as the People's Representatives without fear or favour. When we vote, the People - such as my own constituency - can see what I voted for/against, and they know I did not vote because someone points a gun at my head.

Now, if we do it OUTSIDE of the Parliament House, how could we be sure what went on when the MPs sent their SMS?? Maybe they were being forced or blackmailed to send that kind of SMS to the King??

Whatever it is, I just don't understand why can't they do it in the Parliament House. How can the King behave as if His Majesty is the Speaker??"

Elsewhere, in the Netherlands, the Supreme Court of the Netherlands will decide next month whether Live TV footage of the shouting of the slogan "Down with the Spanish Armada!" by more than half of the Members of the Dutch Parliament attending the 2020 UEFA Champions League Semi-Finals (First leg) between Ajax Amsterdam and the Spanish Champions, Real Sociedad, in the Amsterdam Football Stadium last month, could be regarded by Her Majesty the Queen of Netherlands as "extraneous evidence" of a "Parliamentary Vote to Declare War on the Kingdom of Spain."

Fatwa Bans Red Devils and Christian Clubs

UPDATE - PLAGIARISM ALERT!!
This post has been PLAGIARIZED by unethical, slim-ball ulamas!!

Juslo's Bawang

(KUALA LUMPUR, 31 Nov 2008) In line with its role and mandate to protect the country’s stupid and vulnerable Muslims, Malaysia’s top Islamic body today ruled against Muslims supporting Manchester United Football Club as well as a host of other European football clubs, saying they have elements of evil and other religions that could corrupt the highly fragile Muslims.


The National Fatwa Council's edict said that supporting such football clubs involves not just physical activities or being a couch potato, but also includes Satanic or Christian spiritual elements, chanting and worship.

"It is inappropriate. It can destroy the faith of a Muslim, who are by definition stupid and vulnerable," council chairman Professor Tan Sri Dato’ Seri Dr Sheikh Abdul Shukor Husin told reporters. He noted that clerics in Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan had issued a similar edict in 2008 that called the support of such European football clubs "an aberration."

Recently, the council issued an edict banning yoga and tomboys, ruling that yoga is Hinduism’s secret weapon to bring Malaysian Muslims back to their ancestors’ kafir roots (the earliest recorded religions in the Malay archipelago were Hinduism and Buddhism, before the spread of Islam to the region), while girls who act like boys violate the tenets of Islam. The fatwa council took up the football club issue after an infidel blogger, Juslo, last week criticised the council’s ban on yoga and tomboys as further evidence of the oppression of Muslim women in the name of Islam, and dared the council to take on the male Muslims instead.


SYAITAN MERAH

The fatwa explained that the reason why Manchester United is banned is because of its nickname, RED DEVIL or “Syaitan Merah”. The council chairman elaborated, “In other words, those who support or worship Manchester United players are basically worshipping the Satan. World famous Man U players such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs are actually the incarnations of the Devil himself.”

When asked whether the fatwa has exaggerated the significance of a mere nickname, the council chairman denied and pointed to an additional proof: the emblem of Manchester United, where it clearly shows a Devil-like creature holding a Devil’s ‘fork’. Therefore, according to the council chairman, anybody who wears or uses Man U T-shirts or merchandise is basically carrying around the Devil with them all the time.

“Only Satan-worshippers would walk around proudly displaying the symbol of Satan. God-fearing Muslims would not associate themselves with the Devil, whether Red or Black or whatever. Also, the way they cheer and chant in the stadium in order to frighten their opponents (or in front of giant TV screens in mamak stalls everywhere) is Satan’s way of leading the Muslims astray because the cheering and chanting of Red Devils shows that they are loyal to God’s enemy."

"Instead of spending all their energy to shout “Allahu Akhbar” during their weekly after-Friday-prayer demonstrations against cartoons and infidel oppressors in front of the US Embassy and British High Commission, or against freedom of religion and speech in front of the Bar Council, they now reserve their energies "for Saturday" in order to cheer the Red Devils who carry clearly infidel names such as Cristiano, Carlos, Paul and Michael. Man U supporters therefore incur God’s wrath at least on a weekly basis. They will definitely go to hell.”

The shares of Manchester United traded on the London Stock Exchange fell 50% on the release of such a landmark fatwa by 1 of the world’s most influential and respected intellectual heavyweight institutions, Malaysia’s National Fatwa Council. On the other hand, shares of Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool Football Clubs jumped at least 25% each as analysts predict that most Muslim supporters of Man U would switch their allegiance to these 3 fierce rivals of Man U.

The Man U management has already convened an emergency board meeting to discuss whether to accommodate their Muslim supporters by changing the Club’s famous emblem and nickname. The meeting has not ended as of press time, after 5 hours of continuous deliberation. Options being considered are: changing the nickname to ‘Red Angels’, let the creature in the emblem wear a songkok or skull cap, or simply changing the Club’s name to “Mujaheeden United”.


KELAB-KELAB SALIB

However, Manchester United is not the only European football club affected. The fatwa also ruled that it is haram for Muslims to support the following football clubs (more to come) as they are deemed to be the “new armies of Christian Crusaders” who try to penetrate the hearts and minds of Muslim youths around the world by disguising as football clubs and turn all Muslim football fans into Christians simply by seducing them to wear or use their Christian merchandise. The reason is obvious and needs no elaboration: the presence of a Salib (Christian Cross) in each of the emblem of these clubs!!

AC Milan, a Christian Club.

(Don't tell me you idiots can't fucking see that HUGE cross, even if you are illiterate!)

Barcelona, also a Christian Club.

(Duh!!)

Real Madrid, definitely a Christian Crusaders' Club.

(Can't you morons fucking see that TINY cross on top of the Crusader's crown?? Don't you motherfuckers remember which country started the SPANISH Inquisition??)

How such obvious signs of Christian Crusader agenda has escaped the attention of the defenders of Islam around the world for so long is indeed puzzling.

The National Fatwa Council is also due to publish a list of “Kelab-Kelab yang ditanggung Halal” (Religiously Permissible Football Clubs) next week for Muslim football fans to choose from. Sources have indicated that little known Middle-eastern football clubs from Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and even Shiite Iran are expected to top the list. However, NONE of the clubs from Malaysia's professional football clubs from the Super League and Premier League is expected to be recommended to avoid further embarrassment to Malaysia.

A non-Muslim reporter asked whether the National Fatwa Council is insulting the intelligence of Muslim football fans in banning these European clubs because it basically suggests that Muslim football fans are too fucking stupid to tell whether they are only engaging in sporting activities and not religious worship; or that they are too fucking blur to tell whether they are at a football stadium or watching the match on the god damn TV on 1 hand, or praying at a mosque or church on the other hand.

The council chairman immediately retorted that infidels have no business questioning Muslim affairs, politely suggested the reporter to fuck off and then threatened to lodge a police report against that reporter immediately for disrespecting the Malay Rulers, the position of Islam, the Federal Constitution and inciting racial hatred. The chairman also gave that reporter a short lecture on “watch out for ISA, read your history and remember the Social Contract" blah blah blah (you know, the usual tirade used by Malay ultras to avoid intelligent debates) before abruptly changing the subject to tomboys and lesbians after he was told that the infidel reporter was actually a non-Malaysian journalist from Reuters.


JIHAD BOLA SEPAK

Meanwhile, to counter the increasing influence of Satan and the Crusaders over the hearts and minds of Muslim youths all over the world, the Grand Imam of Al-Azhar University, Egypt, has called on the Rulers of the oil-rich Gulf states to do an “Ibrahimovic” by buying up popular European football clubs with heavy Christian traditions and change them to become more ‘Islamic’ so that Muslims can wholeheartedly engage in healthy sporting activities without worrying about being led astray.

“Oh, those who believe! Turn AC Milan into AC Mullah, change Real Madrid into Real Medina! Remove the crosses and bring in the moon! Use your endowment (oil money) wisely in the way of Jihad, and your fight for the souls of your Muslim brothers shall be rewarded hereafter!”

The Grand Imam made the above call to these Rulers in his latest Friday sermon.

Meanwhile, back in Malaysia, immature and no-sense-of-humour Muslim readers of Juslo’s blog are expected to label Juslo as anti-Islam, rather than of trying to use their fucking brain cells to see just how ridiculous and childish this so-called ‘Islamisation’ nonsense has become. However, it really makes you wonder how is it possible that these geniuses still haven’t thought of the bloody obvious and come up with a fatwa to ban Man U yet, so that we infidels don’t have to fight so hard for tables at the mamak stalls every Saturday night and during Champions League matches. Totalitarianism is only for picking on women and soft targets, perhaps?

Politik baru Datuk Chamil Wariya

Yo yo Malaysia, wassup?!!!

Look, people, recently I’m sort of tired of writing news and commentaries on current affairs like a responsible journalist, so I decided to try my hands at literature (I mean REAL literature, fit for a Nobel nomination), after reading this highly inspiring, original and sophisticated piece at Malaysia’s most respected, mature and responsible daily newspaper, Utusan Malaysia.

The parts which I have made “bold” are places where I have tried to be original. I've also added some commentaries (in red) at the most important parts of the plots for those Malaysian TRAITORS out there who don't know our Bahasa Kebangsaan well enough to read through the whole piece.

So, enjoy, and tell me what you think… I hope you would be kind because it's my first shot at writing literature/cerpen!!

(Needless to say, all these are pure fiction. No incitement for violence, murder or racial hatred intended!! Readers' intelligence required. Parental guidance needed for Utusan Malaysia readers.)

Wish all of you in Malaysia a Molotov-free week!!

Politik baru DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA

Juslo punya Sastera/ Cerpen


PAGI itu resah DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA, yang lebih mesra dengan panggilan DATUK C sukar dikawal. Sepanjang perjalanan menuju ke Dewan Perhimpunan Warga Mayu di ibu kota, fikirannya terganggu. Tuduhan bahawa dia anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India dan anti-bukan Islam sungguh-sungguh menghantui perasaannya sejak malam tadi lagi. Entah mengapa baru sekarang dia begitu, dia sendiri tidak tahu. Dia juga tidak pasti sama ada pemandunya, Ah Kow, menyedari gelora jiwanya ketika itu. Kalau dia tahu pun, peduli apa, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA berbisik sendirian.

Pemandu itu memang sedia maklum pendirian politiknya tentang kepentingan kaumnya vis a vis orang bukan Melayu. Dan dia tahu Ah Kow menghormati pendiriannya, walaupun dilihat anti-bukan Melayu, anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India sebagai hak asasi tinggal dalam sebuah negara demokrasi. Bukankah kebebasan asasi itu dijamin oleh Perkara 5 hingga Perkara 13 Perlembagaan Persekutuan. Tetapi DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA akui demokrasi ada yang tidak sempurna dan kerap disalahgunakan oleh pihak yang berkuasa, khususnya surat khabar “Ulat Malaysia”. Tetapi hakikat itu tidak menghalang rakyat menempatkan pembangkang di Dewan Rakyat. DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA adalah salah seorang daripadanya.

Ah, tudahan dia anti-bukan Melayu, anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India, dan anti-bukan Islam tuduhan yang melulu bentak DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA seolah-olah mahu menyedapkan dirinya.. Ia juga tuduhan yang tidak berasas, hati kecilnya bersuara lagi. Dia meyakinkan dirinya bahawa kenyataan kenyataan yang dibuatnya atas nama satu kaum untuk memperjuangkan kepentingan kaumnya, bukan sesuatu yang rasis. Muslim Brotherhood, organisasi hak asasi antarabangsa akan menyetujuinya. Begitu juga dengan Saudi Arabia. Perdana Menteri dan seluruh Kabinet Barisan Nasioinal pun tidak pernah menganggapnya rasis. Yang menganggapnya rasis hanya orang bukan Melayu di dalam Parti Orang Bukan Melayu (POBM).

“Aku juga bukan anti-bukan Islam. Aku bukan anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India,” pujuk hati DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA yang sudah dua penggal bergelar YB itu, mewakili Parti Rasis Ketuanan Melayu. Parti itu dianggotainya sejak berada di kampus lagi, walaupun Akta Universiti dan Kolej Universiti melarang para siswa membabitkan diri secara langsung dalam mana-mana organisasi siasah. (Walaubagaimanapun, beliau tidak pernah menjadi seorang wartawan atau penulis sastra sepanjang hayat beliau oleh kerana pendiriannya yang anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech).) Lagi pun penguatkuasaan undang-undang itu sekadar melepas batuk di tangga. Lebih dari itu, ia adalah satu lagi undang-undang lapuk, kata DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA.

Kata hatinya lagi: “Aku sekadar memperjuangkan kepentingan kaum aku, sama seperti pemimpin bukan Melayu dalam POBM memperjuangkan kepentingan bangsanya, sama seperti pemimpin Parti Orang Kafir (POKAF) berjuang untuk bangsa menggunakan wajah bukan Islamnya.”

Malah DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA berasakan kelantangannya memperjuangkan kepentingan kaumnya itulah yang telah membantunya menang kali kedua kerusi Parlimennya. Kali ini dengan majoriti yang lebih besar lagi. Apa yang membanggakan dia adalah perjuangan yang dianggap anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India dan anti-bukan Islam itu kini turut disokong pengundi-pengundi bukan Melayu di kawasan pilihan rayanya itu. Pada mulanya dia sendiri terkejut apabila dimaklumkan sebahagian besar pengundi bukan Melayu yang merupakan 20 peratus keseluruhan pemilihan berdaftar dalam kawasan Parlimen Alam Maya telah memangkahnya.

Ini satu perkembangan luar biasa. Tidak mungkin mereka menyokong aku, bisik hatinya. Tetapi apabila dimaklumkan oleh para pekerja parti bahawa pengundi bukan Melayu di semua peti undi telah beralih arah mendokongnya, dia menerimanya dengan fikiran terbuka. Baguslah kalau orang bukan Melayu menerima perjuangan Ketuanan Melayu Ultra Barunya.

Tidak puas hati bermonolog dengan perasaannya, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA secara spontan berpaling kepada Ah Kow, pemandunya yang sejak tadi tekun dengan tugasnya.

“Kamu fakir saya anti-bukan Islam, anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India?”

Pertanyaan

Ah Kow yang sudah menghampiri usia bersara itu tidak menjawab, seolah-olah dia tidak mendengar pertanyaan itu. Matanya tertumpu ke jalan raya. Tugasnya adalah untuk mempastikan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA selamat ke majlis yang ingin dihadirinya. Dan tiba tepat pada waktunya. Majlis itu penting kerana DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA akan mengadakan dialog dengan generasi muda seketurunan dengannya yang belajar di luar negara tetapi kebetulan berada di tanah air kerana bercuti. Ah Kow sendiri tidak pasti sama ada pelajar yang pernah mempersendakan lagu Negara Ku sewaktu menuntut di sebuah universiti di Seberang Laut turut berada dalam kelompok itu. Kalau pun ada, pemandu DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA tidak ambil pusing. Budak itu memang kurang ajar. Ada ke patut Malaysia dianggap sebagai Negara Tanah Melayu Islamiah Ultra (ejaan Inggerisnya ‘Nazi’) yang bermaksud rasis. Dan kreativiti digunakan untuk menghalalkan perbuatan biadapnya itu. Cuma Ah Kow berfikir kalau semua orang dibiarkan menghina lagu Kebangsaan dengan lirik yang memperlekehkan kehidupan orang bukan Islam, dan atas nama kreativiti, maka kesannya terhadap perhubungan kaum adalah negatif.

Ah Kow tidak tahu apakah yang sebenarnya mengganggu bosnya itu sejak dari tadi lagi. Dia jarang begitu. Ah Kow dapat mengesan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA lain macam sahaja pagi itu. Dia dapat membaca keresahan dan kegelisahan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Seolah-olah ada sesuatu yang tidak kena walaupun apa yang sebenarnya berkocak di dalam diri DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dia tidak pasti. Sepanjang ingatan Ah Kow, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA juga tidak pernah berbual dengannya tentang politik, apa lagi tentang isu-isu semasa - kecuali memberi arahan yang ada kaitan dengan perjalanan atau jadual kerja. DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA juga tidak bertanya sama ada dia mengundi POBM atau parti apa pada pilihan raya yang lalu.

Lazimnya, sepanjang perjalanan, baik ke pejabat atau majlis-majlis rasmi dan tidak rasmi yang lain, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA akan menghabiskan masa membaca akhbar atau membelek-belek fail. Tetapi pagi itu DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA lain macam sahaja. Dia kelihatan resah. Gelisah. Fikirannya juga seolah-olah tidak menentu. Apa yang dibuat serba tak kena. Sekejap dia membelek ucapan utama yang akan disampaikan sebentar lagi menghuraikan gagasan Politik Baru Ketuanan Melayu Ultra Baru yang dipeloporinya. Sekejap dia membelek akhbar-akhbar yang memang menemani DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA ke mana juga dia pergi.

Ah Kow cuba mencongak mungkin keresahan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA ada kaitan dengan suhu politik negara sedang panas ketika itu. Bahangnya terasa di mana-mana. POBM sendiri sedang menghadapi pergolakan yang hebat berkait dengan kepimpinannya. Pertarungan kepentingan puak-puak di dalam parti sedang mengambil tempatnya. Kalaulah tidak kerana kedudukan politik kerajaan agak lemah selepas kehilangan majoriti dua pertiga, sudah lama Operasi Lancau, seperti yang pernah dibuat pada 1978, dilaksanakan, agaknya. Mungkin juga tidak kerana di bawah kepimpinan sekarang, kerajaan mengambil sikap yang lebih liberal terhadap para pengkritiknya.

Ah Kow juga terfikir mungkin perasaan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA terganggu dengan tindakan kalangan yang tidak diketahui siapa mereka melempar bom petrol ke rumah keluarga ahli Parlimen Sepohon Beringin, Su Lan. Barangkali, fikir Ah Kow, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA, bimbang kejadian yang sama boleh menimpa diri atau keluarganya.

Mana tahu selepas keluarga Su Lan, musuhnya DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA pula yang menjadi mangsa. Dan yang dilempar itu bom betul-betul. Meletup pula. Tidakkah nahas DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Sekonyong-konyong Ah Kow terbayang kejadian letupan bom berani mati yang berlaku di Damsyik, Syria yang ditonton menerusi Buletin Utama di TV3 beberapa hari lalu. Kalau kejadian yang sudah menghiasi kehidupan harian di Iraq, Israel, Tebing Barat, Gaza atau Afghanistan itu menular di negara ini, alangkah malangnya bumi bertuah ini. Minta disimpang malaikat 44, Ah Kow berkata sendirian di dalam hatinya.

Tetapi fikir Ah Kow, amaran kalau tidak diendahkan berbahaya. Dia teringat apa yang diceritakan berlaku pada 31 Mei 1996. Bapanya menceritakan dalam tragedi selepas pilihan raya umum pada 30 Mei itu, orang bukan Cina dan bukan Melayu berbunuh-bunuhan. Perjuangan yang mahu menafikan hak-hak tidak istimewa orang bukan Melayu dan kaum bukan bumiputera lain yang tidak dijamin oleh Perlembagaan Persekutuan, tidak dapat diterima oleh mereka. Kata-kata kesat dan menghina orang bukan Melayu oleh para penyokong parti-parti pembangkang sewaktu berarak meraikan kemenangan besar di Kuala Longkang dan bandar-bandar utama lain pada pilihan raya 1996 itu tidak dapat ditelan oleh orang bukan Melayu. Parang yang terbiar tumpul selama ini diasah tajam. Dalam keadaan itu tercetuslah pergaduhan yang dahsyat menyebabkan Parlimen digantung dan pemerintahan darurat diisytiharkan. Negara diletakkan di bawah perintah berkurung. Ah Kow sendiri belum lahir ketika itu. Tidak lama selepas itu, peralihan kuasa berlaku daripada Tunku Ahmad Rahman kepada timbalannya, Tun AhmadRazak. Namun demikian, ia telah disahkan oleh rekod-rekod sejarah bahawa sebab sebenarnya peristiwa 31 Mei 1996 berlaku adalah akibat konspirasi ahli-ahli politik Parti Rasis Ketuanan Melayu yang ingin merampas kuasa, dan disokong dengan sepenuhnya oleh editor-editor dan wartawan-wartawan rasis di surat khabar “Ulat Malaysia”.

“Kow, saya ni anti-bukan Islam dan anti-Kebebasan Bersuara (Freedom of Speech), anti-Minoriti, anti-Buddhist, anti-Kristian, anti-Cina, anti-India ke?,” DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA secara mendadak mengulang semula pertanyaannya apabila tiada jawapan daripada pemandunya.

Ah Kow, yang sejak tadi membisu seribu bahasa selamba menjawab: “Mungkin tidak YB.” Dia memberi jawapan berlapik. Maksudnya: Mungkin tidak, mungkin ya bergantung pada mata yang menilai.

“Apa maksud kamu mungkin tidak.”

" Ini soal persepsi YB. Persepsinya begitulah. Hakikatnya DATUK tidak membenci bukan Melayu tidak juga membenci bukan Islam. DATUK sekadar memperjuangkan kepentingan kaum YB. Tidak salah DATUK berbuat demikian. Kalau DATUK tidak memperjuangkan kepentingan kaum DATUK sendiri, siapa lagi. Tetapi cara DATUK itu barangkali disalahertikannya.”

“Maksud kamu?" Tanya DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA yang masih belum jelas lagi.

Bergantung

“Yalah, ia bergantung pada mata yang memandang. Bukan sahaja di kalangan orang bukan Melayu, tetapi di kalangan bukan bukan Melayu. DATUK kena ingat di kalangan bukan bukan Melayu pun bukan semuanya menerima politik baru Ketuanan Melayu Ultra baru YB. Kalau tidak masakan parti satu kaum seperti Parti Orang Cina Babi (POCB) masih boleh bertahan.”

“Apa maksud kamu. Saya tidak begitu jelas?"

“Yalah bagi DATUK perjuangan DATUK adalah anti-pelbagai kaum. Tetapi dalam tindak tanduk, perjuangan anti-pelbagai kaum DATUK itu tidak tertonjol. DATUK mahu menghapuskan tulisan bukan jawi dan ganti dengan tulisan Melayu. Bagi mereka itu bukan perjuangan bukan pelbagai kaum. Ia perjuangan pelbagai kaum. Kalau benar bukan pelbagai kaum, DATUK patut menghapuskan tulisan jawi.” Ah Kow memberanikan diri untuk memberikan pandangannya.

Mengesan bosnya ingin mendengar pandangannya lagi, Ah Kow berkata: “Patutnya kalau DATUK benar-benar ingin menjadi pejuang bukan pelbagai kaum, kepentingan orang bukan Melayu harus diketepikan sewaktu mengetengahkan kepentingan kaum Melayu. DATUK perjuangkan kepentingan satu sahaja. Penerimaannya saya pasti berbeza. DATUK akan dilihat sebagai tidak mahu menjaga kepentingan kaum YB, tetapi pada waktu yang sama menafikan hak orang bukan Melayu.”

(nota Juslo: sorry, I became a little confused myself, hehe... corrections welcomed!)

Itu perjuangan POBM dan POCB, dengus DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA di dalam hatinya. Bosan aku dengan Si Ah Kow ini, dia berkata sendirian. Aku penganjur politik Ketuanan Melayu Ultra baru dan tidak mahu terikat dengan kerangka politik lama, katanya lagi kepada dirinya.

Perbualan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dengan pemandunya habis di situ sahaja. Dia tidak mahu lagi mendengar pandangan karut pemandunya. Dia mahu terus melayan perasaan: Aku percaya pada Politik Baru Ketuanan Melayu Ultra Baru, tegas DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA pada dirinya. Setiap warganegara, tanpa mengira apa keturunan mereka patut diberi hak yang lebih rendah daripada orang Melayu mengikut undang-undang yang mempertahankan Ketuanan Melayu Ultra. Tidak ada bangsa yang patut diberi layanan istimewa yang setaraf dengan orang Melayu. Tidak ada warga yang patut diberi darjat atau kelas kedua kecuali orang bukan Melayu. Kita semua orang Malaysia tetapi bukan semuanya orang Melayu.

DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA enggan melayan Ah Kow lagi. Sebaliknya, dia membelek akhbar “Ulat Malaysia” yang secara rasmi menyokong dan disokong oleh partinya. Perhatiannya tertumpu pada artikel berjudul Jangan Padam Rekod Negara yang ditulis oleh seorang generasi muda Cina yang menolak tesis politik baru Ketuanan Melayu Ultra baru.

Ah, satu lagi propaganda yang memperlekehkan kaum aku, dengus hati DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Jangan-jangan yang menulis artikel ini orang bukan Melayu. Mereka masih menganggap kaum aku sebagai berketurunan bukan istimewa. Tidak guna punya generasi baru. Dengus DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Bisik hatinya lagi: Betullah dulu nenek moyang mereka berhijrah ke bumi bertuah ini untuk mencari kekayaan, membebaskan diri mereka daripada kemiskinan dan keperitan hidup di China. Itu dulu. Generasi Cina sekarang sudah menjadi warganegara Malaysia dan mereka kemudian meminta dilayan seperti warganegara Malaysia. Ini langsung tidak boleh diterima.

Dikejutkan

Sedang DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA asyik dengan lamunannya, dia dikejutkan dengan suara pemandunya yang memaklumkan, “Kita sudah sampai YB.”

Menunggu dia di luar ialah para penganjur dialog yang bakal berlangsung. Salah seorang daripada mereka membuka pintu kereta DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA, bersalaman dengannya dan memperkenalkannya dengan ahli jawatankuasa penganjur yang lain. Diiringi oleh mereka, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dibawa ke pentas. Menurut kiraannya ada 500 orang di dalam dewan pagi itu. Dia bangga dengan kehadiran begitu ramai anak bangsanya yang ingin bertemu dengannya. Apa yang lebih membanggakan DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA ialah mereka belajar luar negara bukan dengan biayai sendiri, degan bantuan sepenuh kerajaan.

Selepas ucapan-ucapan aluan oleh pengerusi penganjur selesai, DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dijemput untuk memberi ucapannya. Inilah detik-detik yang ditunggu-tunggu oleh DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Gagasan politik baru Ketuanan Melayu Ultra barunya akan dihebahkan kepada dunia bebas. Dia teringat buku Dr Mahathir yang berjudul “8 Mac The Day Malaysian Made a Huge Mistake (But Not As Huge As When They Re-Elected My BN in those 23 years).” Momentum rakyat Malaysia atau lebih tepat lagi warga bukan bukan Melayu Malaysia yang sudah jaga dari lena itu mesti ditingkatkan. Pagi itu dia berazam untuk berbuat demikian.

Tetapi tanpa diketahui oleh DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA, di kalangan 500 orang generasi muda yang hadir pada pagi itu ada yang tidak setuju dengan pandangan politiknya itu. Salah seorang daripada mereka berazam untuk membetulkan penyimpangan politik DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dengan caranya yang tidak begitu tersendiri - dia akan meniru cara-cara lama yang telanpun digunakan ke atas Abraham Lincoln, John F Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Malcom X, Martin Luther King, dan sebagainya.

Apabila DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA bangun untuk menuju ke rostrum ucapan, seorang anak muda dari belakang pentas berjalan tenang menuju ke arahnya. DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA tersenyum kepadanya. Dia menyangka anak muda seketurunan dengannya ingin mengiringinya ke rostrum atau bersalaman dengannya.

DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA menghulurkan tangan. Tiba-tiba DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA tergaman dan berdiri kaku. Dia tidak percaya dengan apa yang dilihatnya. Tergenggam erat pada tangan anak muda yang seolah-olah mahu membalas salam tangan yang dihulur itu ialah sepucuk pistol jenis Revolver yang betul-betul diajukan ke arah dada DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA.

Tanpa berkata apa-apa, anak muda itu melepaskan beberapa das tembakan. Salah satu daripadanya tepat mengenai jantung DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA. Dia rebah ke lantai.

(nota Juslo lagi: for those who are illetrate in Bahasa Melayu, this is the part where the Member of Parliament got shot with a gun and fell to the floor. Of course he DIED!! Be patient, see below...)

Para hadirin menjadi panik. Mereka yang berada di atas pentas turut tergamam melihat apa yang berlaku. Kejadian menjadi hiruk-pikuk dan tidak terkawal. Pihak penganjur yang tidak menduga kejadian malang itu berlaku, tidak tahu berbuat apa-apa. Beberapa orang anggota polis berpakaian preman yang menjadi tetamu yang tidak diundang dalam majlis itu, meluru ke arah pentas. Rakan-rakan mereka yang berpakaian seragam yang berkawal di luar juga bergegas masuk ke dewan.

Tetapi belum sempat mereka berbuat apa-apa, kedengaran beberapa das tembakan lagi. Kali ini yang rebah adalah anak muda itu sendiri.

(nota Juslo sekali lagi: now, this is the part where the assasin shot himself. Of course he has to - otherwise, how could be become a MARTYR and get 72 virgins?? But seriously, this is an important development in the plot, because it allows the author (that's ME, of course) to end with the dramatic 'suicide note', below...)

Apabila pihak polis tiba di tempat kejadian, kedua-dua mereka - DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA dan anak muda yang berpakaian kemas itu, sudah tidak lagi bernyawa.

(nota Juslo sekali lagi-lagi: this is the part where both of them are confirmed dead.)

Sewaktu pemeriksaan dibuat ke atas mayat anak muda yang tidak dikenali itu, terselit sehelai nota yang ditaip rapi, ditulis dalam bahasa Kebangsaan.

(nota Juslo: this is the part where the author tells you (in case you still haven't got the drift) that all these were pre-planned. the assasin even 'neatly' (rapi) pre-typed the suicide note.)

Ia berbunyi: DATUK CHAMIL WARIYA adalah ancaman terhadap keharmonian. Lebih baik riwayatnya ditamatkan supaya masyarakat berbilang kaum boleh tinggal aman damai di negara bertuah ini. Saya berkorban untuk masa depan.

Habis (THE END. To be continued with more rubbish at the juvenille section of "Ulat Malaysia")

Don't forget to nominate me for next year's Nobel!!

p/s: I wonder how does RUBBING one's own medicine at one's OWN FACE taste like...? Must be fun! (Sorry if you get the impression that this is only a cheap intimidation of another great work of literature. A great imitation of a piece of cheap, trashy writing is still cheap, no matter how hard you try...)

Defections - Get Used to It

William Gladstone (1809 – 1898), four times British Prime Minister, was defeated by no-confidence votes but went on to become one of the greatest Prime Ministers in the UK's history.

(Revised on 21 Sept 2008)

1. We cannot deny that defection – from either side – is against the people’s mandate. It is the case that in this country, the ballots are deemed as the people’s last words, and that the rule of the game is, whoever commands the majority support of the Parliament is entitled to rule.

2. But will ‘chaos’ happen to our system of democracy if the government of the day could be toppled by the defections of MPs? For his attempt to topple the BN government by mass defections, the Prime Minister has even called Anwar Ibrahim a "threat to the economy and national security".

3. But then this has happened in many democratic countries governed by coalition governments such as Australia, Canada, Italy, Israel, India, Japan, etc – mature and developing democracies alike. Many Prime Ministers have been brought down by votes of no confidence – just read this list. Most of these democracies not only did not collapse, but continue to prosper to this day.

Prime Ministers defeated by votes of no confidence

Australia
* James Scullin (1931)
* Arthur Fadden (1941)
* Malcolm Fraser (1975)

Canada
* Arthur Meighen (1926)
* John George Diefenbaker (1963)
* Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1974)
* Joe Clark (1979)
* Paul Martin (2005)

Denmark
* Knud Kristensen (1947)

France
* Georges Pompidou (1962)

Germany
* Helmut Schmidt (1982)

India
* Vishwanath Pratap Singh (1990)
* H D Deve Gowda (1997)
* Atal Bihari Vajpayee (1999)

Israel
* Yitzhak Shamir (1990)

Italy
* Benito Mussolini (1943)
* Amintore Fanfani (1954)
* Romano Prodi 1st (1998)
* Romano Prodi 2nd (2008)

Japan
* Katsura Taro (1913)
* Shigeru Yoshida 2nd (1948)
* Shigeru Yoshida 4th (1953)
* Masayoshi Ohira (1980)
* Kiichi Miyazawa (1993)

The Netherlands
* Joseph Maria Laurens Theo Cals (1966)
* Rudolphus Franciscus Marie Lubbers (1989)

New Zealand
* Thomas MacKenzie (1912)

Norway
* Christopher Hornsrud (1928)
* Einar Gerhardsen (1963)
* John Lyng (1963)

Papua New Guinea
* Michael Somare (1980)
* Paias Wingti (1988)

Solomon Islands
* Francis Billy Hilly (1994)
* Manasseh Sogavare (2007)

Tuvalu
* Bikenibeu Paeniu (1999)
* Faimalaga Luka (2001)
* Saufatu Sopoanga (2004)

Ukraine
* Viktor Yushchenko (2001)
* Viktor Yanukovych (2004)

United Kingdom
* Lord North (1782)—This is considered to be the first motion of no confidence in history
* John Russell, 1st Earl Russell (1866)
* Benjamin Disraeli (1868)
* William Gladstone (1885)
* Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, 3rd Marquess of Salisbury (1886)
* William Gladstone (1886)
* Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, 3rd Marquess of Salisbury (1892)
* Archibald Primrose, 5th Earl of Rosebery (1895)
* Stanley Baldwin (January 1924)
* Ramsay MacDonald (October 1924)
* James Callaghan (1979)

4. Whenever the members of your party/coalition change ship, the government is brought down with it. So I’ve got news for you, Malaysia: It happens all the time. This is what Wikipedia says (you only need common sense to agree):

“The cases in which a motion of no confidence have passed are generally those in which the government party has a slim majority which is eliminated by either by-elections or defections. Motions of No Confidence are far more common in multi-party systems in which a minority party must form coalition government. This can result in the situation in which there are many short-lived governments because the party structure allows small parties to break a government without means to create a government.”

5. The political system might be a little more 'stable' if we have a Presidential system of government, eg. in the USA, France, South Korea, Taiwan. Unlike a Westminster style Parliamentary Democracy like ours, the Executive branch of the government in a Presidential system is not exposed to the same risk of change or removal. Once elected, the President is there for 4/5/6 years whether the Parliament/Legislature have confidence in him or not. So, you’ll know for certain who you have to deal with for a fixed period of time. In that respect, there is certainty in the political system. (Yes, you can still try to impeach the President, but it is usually very difficult and therefore very rare.)

6. On the other hand, political deadlocks are perhaps even more common in a Presidential system because it is very common to have one party controlling the Legislature and another party controlling the Presidency, kind of like what is happening now in the USA (President = Republican, Congress = Democrats) and Taiwan during President Chen (President = Democratic Progressive Party, Parliament = Nationalist Party). The Legislature may shoot down the President’s policies, and the President may veto the laws passed by the Legislature. But then the USA has survived countless such deadlocks – and prospered – for more than 200 years. Taiwan - after 2 democratic and peaceful regime changes in the past 10 years - is now proudly among the most stable democracies in Asia.

7. However, it is unlikely that Malaysia will switch to a Presidential system because we love our Monarchy, we would not want to replace it with a President. (Unless we choose to have a President who is still subordinate to the Agong, but then if the Agong has power to remove the President it would defeat the purpose of electing the President in the first place.)


Anti-Hopping Law – Unworkable

8. Can the problem of ‘political instability’ due to party-hopping be solved by an anti-hopping law? The fact that most of the other Westminster style democracies – mature and developed – in the world DO NOT have such prohibition of party-hopping seems to make the answer quite obvious.

9. But then we are Malaysia, and Malaysia is always Boleh, so maybe we should be the first to have it? Well, but how is that going to work in practice? Let's work this out.

10. The starting point we all accept is that our MPs are not mere rubber-stamps. (Softly: I know the BN MPs are, but psshhhh… in theory they are not supposed to be…) They are supposed to exercise independent judgments on whether to vote for or against any proposal presented to the Parliament, so it is always open for them - BN and Opposition alike – to vote for or against the government of the day.

11. So, it is always possible for the MP from the governing BN coalition to vote against the government’s decision to, say, join the USA in invading Iraq. This was what many British MPs from the ruling Labour Party have done, against their then leader Tony Blair. It is their right, as people’s representatives elected by their constituencies.

12. But if we have an anti-hopping law in place, does it mean that the MP from a ruling party could no longer vote against his own governing party? You might say, voting for one or two resolutions is ok, but not too many. But then how many nay-votes is too many? If a BN MP keeps voting against the BN and keeps voting in favour of proposals put up by the Opposition, is he still a member of BN, even though he is not allowed to jump ship and call himself an Opposition MP (because the anti-hopping law does not allow that)?

13. Ok, maybe we can accept him voting with the Opposition MP but he just cannot be allowed to cast a vote of no-confidence against the Prime Minister, leader of his own coalition. But if that is the case, is it still meaningful if, even though the Prime Minister cannot be defeated by no-confidence votes from his own party’s MPs, but his own MPs always vote against him in all other resolutions? How can he still govern if they keep rejecting his policies in Parliament?

14. The other alternative is of course to make it mandatory for the MPs elected under a particular party/coalition to vote according to party line, regardless of his own opinions. Therefore, let’s abolish paragraph 10 above, so the government will always be 'stable'.

15. But in that case, we would no longer have a Parliamentary Democracy – we have a de facto Presidential system which is even more powerful than the real Presidential system because we now have 2 branches cemented into 1: the Executive branch is fully controlling and controlled by the majority of the Legislative branch. Say goodbye to checks and balances and welcome Executive Tyranny – we might as well abolish the Parliament because whoever (both from BN and Opposition) is not appointed a member of the Cabinet (ie. the Executive branch) is basically useless, because they can never vote ‘no’ to any proposal by the Executive branch anyway.

16. The right of an MP to exercise his own judgment (paragraph 10 above) is so crucial and fundamental to any Parliamentary Democracy. If he is not able to vote freely, he would not be able to ‘jaga’ the Executive for the people, to vote against and to vote out the corrupt and incompetent government ministers (which is sadly the situation in the current BN-dominated Parliament). These MPs would have no reason to be elected in the first place.

17. So, to sum up, the anti-hopping law is fundamentally unsustainable because it seeks to deny the most fundamental feature of a Parliamentary Democracy – the freedom of each and every MP to vote to support any resolution, whether it is from the ruling party or the opposition.


Recall, perhaps?

18. But does it mean that the people should be left disappointed when their elected MP turns into a frog? Well, technically yes, and that is why it is so important for the voters to vote for the candidate, not the party. Vote for someone you can trust, whose judgment is sound and who is wise – no matter which party he is with. (Theoretically, don't forget that he should be allowed to jump ship after he was elected as a candidate of his party because his party might turn into a 'bad' party AFTER being elected to govern and half-way into their 5 year term.) That was the original intention of our Parliamentary system, anyway.

19. But I think instead of having anti-hopping law, we should have a ‘recall law’ where the voters in a constituency are allowed to call for a ‘referendum’ on the MP if the MP has done something against the wishes of his constituents who elected him, such as if he has changed party.

20. Voters should be allowed to have another election in their constituency to confirm whether that MP should continue to represent them in the Parliament if, say, 25% of the registered voters in that constituency petition to do so, after the general election but before the 5 year term is up. It would be like a by-election we now have.

21. That way, the MP would be forced to constantly explain his (in)actions in the Parliament to his constituents, making the system much more accountable.


Well, we must Get Used to it

22. So here we are, a Westminster style Constitutional Monarchy and Parliamentary Democracy. The Prime Minister can only be the Prime Minister if he is supported by a majority of MPs. If not, he has to step down immediately – simple as that. And MPs are allowed to change their allegiance all the time. In theory it is less 'stable', but more accountable because whenever the government does something incredibly stupid/unpopular (such as invading Iraq, 'main-main' with ISA arrests or the Prime Minister being struck by mad cow disease), the MPs should be able to bring the government down IMMEDIATELY, so that the government will be constantly accountable to the people.

23. Toppling the ruling party by defection is a fact of life in such a system, DUH!! Indeed, it SHOULD BE VERY COMMON, because it is only through this CONSTANT THREAT of being brought down that the Parliament is able to keep the government CONSTANTLY accountable and don't do anything stupid or crazy. It is the only effective weapon to check Executive tyranny. The only thing is that we have never come to this stage before in our history, so it’s completely new to us, thanks to BN’s perpetual insult on the people’s intelligence for the past 51 years and assuming that we are too stupid to handle Democracy.

24. But then I suspect that given the very slim majority (less than 5 MPs) that Anwar claims to currently have over BN in the Parliament, it is quite likely that Anwar’s “new government” (if he succeeds) could also be easily destabilised in the future by threats of MPs crossing-‘back’ (watch out for PAS).

25. If the current BN could be so easily threatened with crossing-overs even though they are only 8 MPs short of a 2/3 majority (while PR is a whopping 30 MPs short of a simple majority), I wonder how many governments in the future would be ‘stable’ enough.

26. If PR can really survive into the future and a 2-party system really takes root in Malaysia (which is a good thing for our Democracy), Malaysians must brace ourselves for a more ‘unstable’ and ‘fluid’ political system in the future. The only alternative is to back-paddle and retard the growth and maturity of our Democracy, back to the dark old days of a comprehensive domination by a single coalition (or to turn into a Presidential system – paragraph 5, 6, 7 above, which is unlikely).

27. Therefore, let’s get used to this ‘instability’, a hallmark of genuine Democracy. If so many other democracies could do it, so could we. Both sides of the political divide – and the important institutions of the country such as the Monarchy and the armed forces – should do the country a great service by accepting whatever decision is made by our elected MPs. There should be nothing to panic about if there is going to be a change in government. (Only those who are afraid of losing power should panic.) Once we manage to ride through this ‘growing pain’ of regime change (or failure to change) for the first time with calm and composure, we – and foreign investors – would have nothing to fear EVERY SINGLE time we have a general election. If we can live through this sort of 'political turmoils' unscathed, it would bear testimony to the maturity and strength of our democracy.

28. So welcome, Malaysia, to genuine Democracy. Enjoy the ride - and there is no need to 'panic'!



(from now on, I'll write like my idol Che Det - numbering my paragraphs. And it makes me feel quite 'Che Det', to be honest... hehe)