Thursday, May 08, 2014
Friday, November 30, 2012
[Obama: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.]
NAJIB: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
[Obama: Tonight, more than 200 years after a former colony won the right to determine its own destiny, the task of perfecting our union moves forward.]
[Obama: It moves forward because of you. It moves forward because you reaffirmed the spirit that has triumphed over war and depression, the spirit that has lifted this country from the depths of despair to the great heights of hope, the belief that while each of us will pursue our own individual dreams, we are an American family and we rise or fall together as one nation and as one people.]
NAJIB: It moves forward because of you, the Bumiputras. It moves forward because you, the Bumiputras, reaffirmed the spirit that has triumphed over Western and Chinese colonialism, the spirit that has saved this country from the claws of Anwar Ibrahim and DAP, the belief that while each of us will fight for our own individual government projects and contracts, we are a Bumiputra family and we rise or fall together as 1Malaysia of Bumiputras lording over the Pendatangs, and as one ummah of Muslims repelling the godless infidels.
[Obama: Tonight, in this election, you, the American people, reminded us that while our road has been hard, while our journey has been long, we have picked ourselves up, we have fought our way back, and we know in our hearts that for the
NAJIB: Tonight, in this election, you, the Bumiputras, reminded the Pendatangs that while UMNO and BN might have lost the popular support, while the popular votes are clearly siding with Pakatan Rakyat, we have won the Phantom Votes, we have fought our way back, and we know in our hearts that for UMNO, the best is yet to come.
[Obama: I want to thank every American who participated in this election...]
NAJIB: I want to thank every Bumiputra who voted for BN in this election...
[Obama: ... whether you voted for the very first time or waited in line for a very long time.]
NAJIB: ... whether you voted for UMNO or the other useless parties of BN who totally depended on UMNO to win their seats.
[Obama: By the way, we have to fix that.]
NAJIB: By the way, whenever I mention Bumiputras in this speech, I don’t include the Natives of Sabah and
[Obama: ... whether you held an Obama sign or a Romney sign, you made your voice heard and you made a difference.]
NAJIB: ... whether you beat up a person holding a PKR sign or a DAP sign, you made your voice heard and you made a difference.
[Obama: I just spoke with Governor Romney and I congratulated him and Paul Ryan on a hard-fought campaign.]
NAJIB: I just spoke with Anwar Ibrahim and I asked him and Lim Guan Eng to go fuck themselves (and each other).
[Obama: We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future.]
NAJIB: We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love government projects and contracts deeply, and we care so strongly about the future of UMNO’s “business opportunities”.
NAJIB: From Anwar Ibrahim to Wan Azizah to their daughter Nurul Izzah, the Anwar family has chosen to betray the Malay Agenda through working with DAP, and those are the traitors we defeat and humiliate tonight.
[Obama: In the weeks ahead, I also look forward to sitting down with Governor Romney to talk about where we can work together to move this country forward.]
NAJIB: In the weeks ahead, I also look forward to locking up Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Guan Eng and Karpal Singh, and to talk to my good friend and ally Hadi Awang, our not-so-covert mole in Pakatan Rakyat, about where we can work together to move the Malay Agenda forward.
[Obama: I want to thank my friend and partner of the last four years,
NAJIB: I want to thank my friends and “Bad-Cops” of the last four years. First, the person who has made extreme and racist statements in public to appease our UMNO supporters so that I didn’t have to, the best Deputy Prime Minister anybody could ever hope for, Malay-First-Malaysian-Last Muhyiddin Yassin.
And Nazri Aziz, who kept talking like a complete idiot, to say some vague and useless things which doesn't cost me anything, that would make the non-Malays happy one day and then say other things to upset them the next day.
And not forgetting Idris Jala, the Minister of Bad News, who delivered all the gloomy news about cutting subsidies and the country going bankrupt so that none of the BN politicians had to. He was the only Minister telling the truth to the country so that none of us in the Cabinet had to.
Last but not least, also thanks to Zahid Hamidi and my useless cousin Hishamuddin Hussein for keeping their big fucking mouths shut for the past couple of years so that the non-Malays were not so annoyed like they were before 2008.
[Obama: And I wouldn't be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago.]
NAJIB: And I would have been the Prime Minister at least 10 years earlier without the woman who seduced me into marrying her 25 years ago.
[Obama: Let me say this publicly: Michelle, I have never loved you more. I have never been prouder to watch the rest of
NAJIB: Let me say this publicly: Rosmah, I have never hated you more. I have never been more worried to watch the rest of
[Obama: Sasha and Malia, before our very eyes you're growing up to become two strong, smart beautiful young women, just like your mom.]
NAJIB: My children, before our very eyes you're growing up to become experienced money-sucking vacuum cleaners, just like your mom.
[Obama: And I'm so proud of you guys. But I will say that for now one dog's probably enough.]
NAJIB: And I'm so proud of you guys. But I will say that for now one USD24 million ring and 20 luxury handbags are probably enough.
[Obama: To the best campaign team and volunteers in the history of politics...]
NAJIB: To the best Election Commission-NRD team and Phantom-Voters-Manufacturers in the history of politics!!!
[Obama: The best. The best ever. Some of you were new this time around, and some of you have been at my side since the very beginning.]
NAJIB: The best. The best ever. Some of you were new this time around, and some of you have been at UMNO’s side since the very beginning of Mahathir’s time.
NAJIB: But all of you are family. No matter what you do or where you go from here, you will be haunted by the memories of the treasonous acts we did together and you will have the life-long appreciation of a grateful UMNO. Thank you for helping us to cheat all the way, through every IC, through every MyKad, through every ballot paper.
NAJIB: You saved UMNO’s ass the whole way and I will always be grateful for every fake MyKad that you've issued and all the incredible Phantom Voters that you put on the Voters’ Register. But you lot should also be grateful that UMNO does not lose power because otherwise, your ass would also be shot by Pakatan Rakyat. We are in this together.
[Obama: I know that political campaigns can sometimes seem small, even silly. And that provides plenty of fodder for the cynics that tell us that politics is nothing more than a contest of egos or the domain of special interests. But if you ever get the chance to talk to folks who turned out at our rallies and crowded along a rope line in a high school gym, or saw folks working late in a campaign office in some tiny county far away from home, you'll discover something else.]
NAJIB: I know that political campaigns always cost a lot of money, even more than RM40 million per seat. And that provides plenty of fodder for the opposition that tell us that Malaysian elections are nothing more than a farce and a fraud, or the domain of money politics and vote buying. But if you ever get the chance to talk to folks who turned out at our ceramahs and election operation rooms to ask for money in exchange for their votes, or saw kampung folks looking so happy to receive some cheap freebies, you'll discover something else.
[Obama: You'll hear the determination in the voice of a young field organizer who's working his way through college and wants to make sure every child has that same opportunity.]
NAJIB: You'll hear the naivety of the stupid voters who don’t care about democracy and don’t even bother to ask why our country has gone down the drain, and wants to make sure every child of his has that same opportunity to live the third-world-lifestyle forever.
[Obama: You'll hear the pride in the voice of a volunteer who's going door to door because her brother was finally hired when the local auto plant added another shift.]
NAJIB: You'll hear the gratitude in the voice of a poor farmer who's supporting all the polluting and dangerous industries because his children were finally hired as janitors of Lynas, even though in the end their wages for 10 lifetimes would not even be enough to cure their father’s cancer.
[Obama: You'll hear the deep patriotism in the voice of a military spouse whose working the phones late at night to make sure that no one who fights for this country ever has to fight for a job or a roof over their head when they come home.]
NAJIB: You'll hear the deep patriotism in the voice of some naive non-Bumi military personnel who are stupidly proud of being a second class Malaysian citizen who can’t wait to die for his country to make sure, that every non-Bumi who fights for this country will still forever remain a Pendatang and second class citizen when they come home.
[Obama: That's why we do this. That's what politics can be. That's why elections matter. It's not small, it's big. It's important. Democracy in a nation of 300 million can be noisy and messy and complicated. We have our own opinions. Each of us has deeply held beliefs. And when we go through tough times, when we make big decisions as a country, it necessarily stirs passions, stirs up controversy.]
NAJIB: That's why we do this. That's what Malay Agenda can be. That's why elections must be bought or stolen. It's not cheap, it's expensive. It's a pain in the ass. Democracy in a nation of 28 million can be noisy and messy and complicated if the people are given their liberty. We must not allow anyone to have his own opinion. Each of us has deeply held beliefs but only the Malay Agenda is allowed to be championed. And when we go through tough times, when we make big decisions as a party, it necessarily suppress civil liberties and minority rights, stirs up non-Bumi’s dissatisfactions.
NAJIB: That won't change after tonight, and it shouldn't. These privileges and special positions we have are a mark of our superiority as UMNO-putras. We can never forget that as we speak people in Kuala Lumpur are risking their lives right now just for a chance to argue about the issues that matter, the chance to assemble peacefully, and the chance to cast their ballots like we successfully suppressed today.
[Obama: But despite all our differences, most of us share certain hopes for
NAJIB: But despite all our differences, most of us share certain hopes for UMNO's future. We want our kids to grow up or get educated in a country where they have access to the best schools and the best teachers, like America,
[Obama: A country that lives up to its legacy as the global leader in technology and discovery and innovation, with all the good jobs and new businesses that follow.]
NAJIB: A country that lives up to its legacy as the global leader in systematic, institutionalized discrimination against non-Muslims and electoral fraud and manipulation, with all the lucrative government projects and contracts that follow.
[Obama: We want our children to live in an
NAJIB: We want our children to live in a
[Obama: We want to pass on a country that's safe and respected and admired around the world, a nation that is defended by the strongest military on earth and the best troops this - this world has ever known.
NAJIB: We want to pass on a country that's backward and a laughing stock and sniggered at around the world, a nation that is defended by the best submarines ON EARTH and the most secure fighter jet engines this world has ever known.
[Obama: But also a country that moves with confidence beyond this time of war, to shape a peace that is built on the promise of freedom and dignity for every human being. We believe in a generous
NAJIB: But also a country that is built on the promise of freedom and dignity for every Bumiputra only. We believe in a generous government who gives out lucrative projects and contracts, in a compassionate UMNO towards its members, open to the dreams of a Pendatang's daughter so long as they and their posterity pledge to remain a second class citizen forever and ever and don’t demand any right or equal treatment with the Bumiputras, like what an ordinary human being anywhere else on earth would want to.
[Obama: To the furniture worker's child in North Carolina who wants to become a doctor or a scientist, an engineer or an entrepreneur, a diplomat or even a president - that's the future we hope for. That's the vision we share. That's where we need to go - forward.]
NAJIB: To the Indian estate worker's child in Perak who wants to become a doctor or a scientist, an engineer or an entrepreneur, a diplomat or even a president - that's the future we are scared of. That's the vision we must suppress. That's where we need to go – hold them back.
[Obama: Tonight you voted for action, not politics as usual.]
NAJIB: Tonight you voted for Pakatan Rakyat, not UMNO’s politics as usual. But we don’t give a fuck because our Phantom Voters have saved us once again.
[Obama: You elected us to focus on your jobs, not ours. And in the coming weeks and months, I am looking forward to reaching out and working with leaders of both parties to meet the challenges we can only solve together. Reducing our deficit. Reforming our tax code. Fixing our immigration system. Freeing ourselves from foreign oil. We've got more work to do.]
NAJIB: You elected us to focus on our jobs, not yours. And in the coming weeks and months, I am looking forward to reaching out and working with leaders of BN to meet the challenges by the Pakatan Rakyat we can only solve together. Increasing our deficit. Implementing Sales Tax. Reversing all the vote-buying political and economic liberalization reforms. Freeing ourselves from Chinese economic domination. Forever ban people from using Dataran Merdeka. We've got more work to do.
[Obama: This country has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military in history, but that's not what makes us strong. Our university, our culture are all the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.]
NAJIB: This country has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes UMNO rich. We have the most useless military in history, but that's not what makes us weak. Our university, our culture are all the pariah of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores to have a good laugh at our mess.
[Obama: What makes
NAJIB: What makes
[Obama: The belief that our destiny is shared; that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another and to future generations. The freedom which so many Americans have fought for and died for come with responsibilities as well as rights. And among those are love and charity and duty and patriotism. That's what makes
NAJIB: The belief that our Bumiputra destiny is shared among Bumiputras alone; that this country only works when non-Bumis accept certain obligations to Bumiputras and to future generations of Bumiputras. The freedom which so many non-Bumis have fought for and died for come with responsibilities towards Bumiputras as well as necessary and permanent racial and religious discrimnation. And among those are Ketuanan Melayu and and Islamic supremacy and corruption and totalitarianism. That's what makes Malay Agenda great.
[Obama: I am hopeful tonight because I've seen the spirit at work in
NAJIB: I am hopeful tonight because I've seen the spirit at work in Malaysia… I've seen it in the non-Bumi soldiers who reenlist after being heavily discriminated against and despised at and called a Pendatang by UMNO, including by Zahid Hamidi, and in those patriotic non-Malay soldiers who charged up the stairs into darkness and danger because they knew there was a whole life of never-ending and complete discrimination and hatred by their own government behind them waiting for them if and when they do come back alive after fighting for Malaysia.
[Obama: I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting.]
NAJIB: I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. That is what I want the non-Bumis to believe, forever and ever. So that they will vote for BN elections after elections, keep hoping that each time we change Prime Minister they will get a better treatment, despite all the evidence to the contrary as proven by the 1999 election, when they saved Mahathir’s sorry arse (but nothing improved), and the 2004 election, when they helped give Abdullah 90% of the seats in Parliament (but also nothing improved). We will keep promising them so that they will keep hoping and hoping for the day that will never come. But if they cannot be persuaded to hope again, we can always remind them of May 13and threaten instability and chaos.
Bawang note: Political analysts predict that with the combination of electoral fraud and stupid and naive voters who keep hoping that Lucifer will be transformed into a Saint, UMNO will rule Malaysia for at least another 100 years. We congratulate Malaysians for getting what they deserve.
Friday, August 06, 2010
(Kuala Lumpur, 31 September 2011) Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission Chief Commissioner, Datuk Seri Abu Kassim Mohamed, today vehemently defended his refusal to resign, even though MACC has so far failed to take any action against the country’s most powerful politicians such as the Prime Minister Najib Razak, Sarawak Chief Minister Taib Mahmud and Sabah Chief Minister Musa Aman for alleged corruption.
Last year, the MACC Chief denied the allegation that MACC was not serious in tackling bribery and only caught the 'ikan bilis' (those involved in small bribes) instead of the 'sharks'; he said MACC had never turned a blind eye to the 'big fish', and told a gathering of innocent, naïve, primary school kids in a public relations event that,
“You know that I am (100% prepared to take action against any members of the cabinet for corruption). I can make sure that if there is a case and report against any cabinet minister (and subsequently no action is taken), I am willing to go down.”
But today, Abu Kassim clarified what he meant last year,
“Please read my speech carefully. I said “cabinet minister”, but I did not say “Prime Minister” or “Chief Minister”, am I right?? Yes, I did say before that I'll quit if big fish are let off, but hey, don’t you people watch National Geographic? Didn’t your teachers teach you people that whale is NOT a fish but a mammal?? I said MACC would catch the 'sharks', yes, but we never said we would catch whales! Whales are in a completely different category than fish, big or small!”
“We have no problem catching sharks but do you know how dangerous it is to catch a whale?? If a whale flips its tail, it will cause a tsunami, and the whole Malaysia will get drown. There are far reaching consequences for the whole country and Ketuanan Melayu if we touch whales!! You want me and my people to get killed is it?! We never signed up to catch whales!! Besides, whales are legally protected by international treaties. So, we at MACC are not allowed to catch whales, we know that from day 1 we joined. We don't want to bite off more than we can chew, and trust me, whaling could get very very ugly.”
He was approached by reporters today after Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik was yesterday found by the court for not guilty of two cheating charges related to the RM12.5 billion PKFZ project.
The court decided that “misleading the Government is not ‘cheating’, you idiot; that is corruption. Don’t abuse the meaning of words.”
Abu Kassim said, “Yes, I did say before that I'll quit if big fish are let off, but hey, there is NO corruption involved in this case. Tun Ling was NOT charged for any corruption crime, but only for cheating. So, his prosecution actually has nothing to do with the MACC.”
When asked if MACC is now going to prosecute Ling for any corruption crime, Abu Kassim said, “Too bad, we can’t anymore. Since he has been freed by the Court, we cannot charge him anymore for the same issues. It’s called “double-jeopardy”, don’t you people understand?”
Abu Kassim denied that the Government had purposely charged Ling for the wrong offence so that he is guaranteed to be not guilty, and denied that this was a “whitewash.” He insisted that the Attorney General is a smart person. When asked whether Ling was a 'whale' (which MACC is afraid to hunt) or a 'shark' (which MACC is not afraid to hunt), he said,
“I would say he’s a 'baby whale'. Which means, if we really go against him, the Mother Whale might get so upset that we’ll all get into trouble. So, we have to be gentle with the baby whale also.”
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Taken without permission from Juslo's Seriously-Dude-I-Really-Didn't-Make-This-Up.com, copyright unprotected.
Juslo, who on November 25, 2008 already posted the much-ridiculed post, "Fatwa Bans Red Devils and Christian Clubs", said furiously at the press conference that: "I came up with this first! Therefore, they should at least properly acknowledge my authority in this field. Otherwise, this is plagiarism, and I'm gonna sue these a**holes!" He went on to bang the table repeatedly.
Nevertheless, Juslo commended these 2 prominent Muslim intellectuals for always be on the lookout for ways to protect the stupid muslims of Malaysia. "Malaysian muslims would be lost and confused without these guardian angels. What would Malaysian muslims do without them? All praise and glory to God, and may God bless their intellect for decades to come," said Juslo, tears of gratitude in his eyes while touching his heart, and seemed geniunely touched.
Juslo, a part-time unemployed blogger who was banned by RPK because of minor differences of opinions, also felt relieved and vindicated. "Now, nobody can accuse me of spreading false news. Nobody can say I'm not qualified to talk about Islam (Malaysian style, at least) because even the highly respected ulamas like Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria and Datuk Nooh Gadot bloody stole my ideas. So now you know, all the things I've written are true - you just have to wait for the time to come, that's all."
Meanwhile, the Malaysian bloggerhood are worried about which other prophecies of Juslo would come true next. Ascot Sports has already been issued the very first and only betting license by the Prime Minister to put up bets of the following few prophecies coming true:
5/1 - Use of ‘Bapa’ by Non-Malays Banned
8/1 - Malaysian Men Banned From Non-OIC Countries
Football jerseys Muslims should
Monday July 19, 2010
KOSMO! carried a report about Muslims who wittingly or unwittingly wear football jerseys which display images of crosses, liquor brands and devils.
Johor Religious Council adviser Datuk Nooh Gadot said wearing such jerseys were forbidden in Islam.
“It is as if Muslims are worshipping and exalting the symbols of other religions. Islam does not compromise on this matter, regardless of whether it is worn for fun, fashion or sport,” he said.
Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria agreed with Nooh and said although Islam did not forbid its followers from participating in sports or dressing up, it has to be done within the boundaries of Islamic law.
Among the football teams whose crests carry images of the cross are Brazil, Portugal, Serbia, Barcelona and Norway, while Manchester United carries the “Red Devil” slogan on its team crest.
Haram pakai jersi lambang salib – Datuk Nooh
Pemakaian jersi bola sepak atau sebarang pakaian yang memiliki lambang salib, jenama arak dan imej syaitan adalah haram hukumnya dan boleh menjurus kepada perbuatan syirik.
Penasihat Majlis Agama Islam Johor (MAIJ), Datuk Nooh Gadot berkata, perkara tersebut ditegah oleh Islam dan perbuatan mengabaikan hukum yang sudah jelas boleh membawa umat Islam ke arah syirik.
Beliau berkata, memakai baju seperti itu walau apapun alasannya menunjukkan umat Islam seolah-olah mengagung-agungkan dan memuliakan lambang agama lain.
“Semua mengetahui hukum ini dengan jelas, ia adalah haram dan jangan beri alasan untuk menghalalkan perkara tersebut.
“Dalam hal ini, Islam tidak ada kompromi sama ada ia dibuat atas nama hiburan, fesyen mahupun sukan,” ujarnya ketika dihubungi Kosmo! Ahad baru-baru ini.
Beliau mengulas trend menyarung jersi di kalangan remaja dan golongan dewasa masa kini yang secara terang-terangan memiliki lambang salib atau jenama arak di baju mereka.
Trend itu sudah agak lama berlaku di negara ini namun semakin popular semenjak demam Piala Dunia melanda bermula awal tahun ini.
Antara jersi pasukan negara atau kelab yang tertera lambang salib atau imej syaitan adalah Brazil, Portugal, Sweden dan Norway, Manchester United dan Barcelona.
Nada yang sama turut diluahkan oleh Mufti Perak, Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria.
Beliau berkata, perbuatan memakai baju seperti itu hanya menjurus ke arah dosa dan boleh mengakibatkan syirik kepada Allah.
Jelasnya, pakaian yang mempamerkan lambang agama lain mahupun mempunyai imej syaitan dan jenama arak dilihat seperti mengangkat martabat lambang itu lebih tinggi berbanding Islam.
Menurut Harussani, Islam tidak menghalang umatnya untuk berfesyen atau bersukan namun ia perlu dilakukan dalam ruang lingkup syarak seperti menutup
aurat dan tidak membazir.
Monday, January 04, 2010
In his keynote address, the Prime Minister said:
“We all know that believing in Islam would make you stupid and vulnerable. (Some would say, ILLITERATE too – that’s why they couldn’t fucking tell that ‘Herald’ is actually a Catholic publication.) We also know that in Malaysia, by definition, all Muslims are also automatically Malays. That is why, the Malays/Muslims are a group of very easily confused people. So, the Government of Ketuanan Melayu has decided to launch this very important campaign to protect the stupid Malays of Malaysia.”
Under this campaign, apart from disagreeing with the court’s decision that the word ‘Allah’ could be used by non-Muslims (by appealing until the higher courts agree with the Government, as they are bound to), the Government will also ban the use of a few important words in the Malay language by non-Malays, so that eventually, the use of the Malay language in any way, shape or form by non-Malays would be banned altogether.
First off, the most popular word “Bapa” would be banned. The word means “father” in Malay. Based on our survey, English-speaking Westerners like to use the word “Papa” to refer to their fathers affectionately, and Chinese Malaysians also commonly use this word to call their fathers, albeit sounding more like “Baba”, “Aba” or just “Ba”. The PM explained that it is very important to ban the use of this word by non-Malays because:
“Let’s say a pious, highly educated Malay adult man with a highly successful professional career, walks on the street. Suddenly, he hears a little Chinese girl calls her Dad, “Baba”. Although this man is highly educated etc etc, to the Government he is STILL VERY STUPID (because as far as the Government is concerned, he is still a Malay), so he might suddenly become SOOOO confused and thought that the little Chinese girl’s Dad is actually his own “Bapa”!! How could a pious, good Malay call a kafir, Chinese pig “Bapa”?! We must never let this happen.
Not every father is a “Bapa”! So, non-Malays must not call their fathers “Bapa” or anything which remotely sound like that because we don’t want Malays to become confused about who are really their daddies. This would affect the supreme position of the stupid Malay fathers under the Malaysian Constitution and it is provocative to the stupid Malay fathers.
In the coming days, I shall ask all leaders of UMNO to suggest words which they think we should ban non-Malays in this country from using.”
All the Ministers from the UMNO party (Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms) fully support the PM’s new campaign.
Dato' Seri Hishammuddin Bin Tun Hussein, the PM’s cousin and a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that because this is Tanah Melayu (the ancestral land of the Malays), it is the right of the Malays in Malaysia to do whatever they like including to be stupid, and to FORCE OTHERS TO CHANGE their own cultures and methods of worship, in order to respect the Malays' right to stupidity. He said that he is willing to pull out his keris (the traditional Malay sword) to defend this right.
Not surprisingly, his suggested word for banning is “keris”, so that Malay men do not confuse it with “kiss” when it is time to do battle with the non-Malays who challenge this right to stupidity. "Bunuh kafir itu dengan keris (kill that infidel bastard with a keris)!!" might be misunderstood as "kill that infidel bastard with a kiss!!", he explained.
Dato' Seri Dr. Ahmad Zahid Bin Hamidi, a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that just because a Malay is not blind, can read, and can recognise his/her own father, let’s not forget that Malays tend to become stupid whenever they are exposed to non-Malay cultures. Whenever they come into contact with non-Malays, all of a sudden, their world became very confusing - because, according to Zahid, non-Malays are always out to use every means at their disposal to confuse the Malays. (But he did not elaborate on why he thought this was the case.)
That is why, it is the mission of UMNO to protect these Malays so that they can choose to continue to live like idiots, and also because it is only by continuing to make them idiots that they will continue to support and depend on UMNO. “It is a win-win situation. If your people are stupid, it is your job as a leader to keep them that way, not to reason with them or to make them smarter,” he added.
In fact, being one of the more brainy ones in UMNO, Zahid’s goal is more ambitious. He figured that by banning the use of certain words by non-Malays, non-Malays will ultimately also lose the use of that word, therefore becoming as stupid as the Malays too. So, He suggested that the word “Enjin” be banned from non-Malay use, so that non-Malays (whom UMNO accuse as forming the majority of the opposition politicians) would stop questioning the Government and him about the embarrassing theft of the 2 fighter jet engines from the country's top security air force base (which occurred when the current stupid Malay PM was the Defence Minister).
(However, he later withdrew the suggestion and aborted the interview immediately after being told by his aide that actually, the word “enjin” was a word borrowed from English.)
Meanwhile, Dato' Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the top woman leader of UMNO, became immediately hysterical -- in the true UMNO tradition -- when she was asked to comment. “A lot of stupid Malay mums have called my organization to ask what more could they do to protect their stupid children from becoming very confused. We are going to meet whoever we can meet to make sure that Malays don’t get confused about whether they are actually stupid or not. If need be, we will apply to meet the King,” she said in a statement.
Naturally, being the top female Malay leader, she proposed the ban of the word “Mak” (meaning ‘mother’, in Malay language) as the obvious next step to the ban of “Bapa”. “If we don’t want stupid Malays to get confused about who are their fathers, surely we do not want them to get confused about who are their mothers either. In fact, I think, avoiding confusion about “Mak” is more important than not confusing “Bapa”, because nowadays, rich and powerful Malay men usually become very horny when they get older, so it is very common to have more than 1 “Mak” in a household, which can get very confusing for the kids.”
Finally, Datuk Seri Syed Hamid bin Syed Jaafar Albar, the ex-Minister who started all these controversies by imposing the ban of the non-Muslims’ use of the word ‘Allah’ even though non-Muslims in the country had been using it for hundreds of years even before Malaysia was born, said that the God-given right of Malays to act and talk like idiots and the Malay Rulers' role to protect the idiocy of the Malays was enshrined in the Constitution. Therefore, those who dare to question it should be immediately detained without trial for up to 2 years under the country’s Internal Security Act – for their own ‘protection’.
He suggested that the Malay word “Bodoh” (meaning ‘stupid’, in Malay language) should be banned from non-Malay use, because the word has now become too commonly used by non-Malays to call someone ‘stupid’ in an affectionate or joking way, such as "Eh, Bodoh lah you!" and do not mean it seriously. Therefore, Malays might get ‘confused’ and think that the person who is being called ‘Bodoh’ is seriously stupid, instead of only jokingly so.
“Because Malays are so stupid, they can’t tell if someone is joking or not. The pre-requisite to appreciating humour/have a sense of humour is intelligence, which unfortunately most Malays in UMNO and their ilk sadly lack,” he said, perhaps meant as an advice to the author of this post?