Dalai Lama wants Islamic states to follow Tibet

Juslo's Bawang

(Lhasa, Tibet, 31 June 2008) TIBET wants the Islamic states to emulate its Buddhist City concept where administration is based on religious tenets while promoting goodwill among non-Buddhists. His Holiness is expected to make the same call to the Christian, Jewish, Hindu and other pagan states in the coming weeks, according to his press secretary.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama of Tibet said that non-Buddhists should not be fearful of the Buddhist concept as it generated a harmonious lifestyle and curbed vice and crime.

“We want the Islamic states to copy Tibet’s form of governance and our concept of Buddhist cities.

“Buddhism stands for the ultimate good so we don’t see any wrong in others copying what we do,” he said after launching the pioneer USD100mil Buddhist township in Chamdo.

“If the Buddhist City concept promotes positive and healthy values, I suppose even the non-Buddhist would accept it. If they do not want to, then there is nothing we can do but people usually support good things,” he said.

The township project, billed as the gateway to Lhasa, would be carried out in four phases until 2014. It would represent every aspect of Buddhist living and religious requirement.

The city would have a state-of-the-art temple, a budget hotel with Buddhist architecture, apartment blocks, recreational grounds, shop houses and a research centre.

As at press time, it is understood that in response to the Dalai Lama's call, in the coming weeks,

(1) Nik Aziz, Malaysia's Islamic spiritual leader, would be making the same call to the Buddhists to embrace the 'Islamic City' concept;

(2) the Sheikh Al-Azhar, or the Grand Imam of Al-Azhar University, Egypt, would be making the same call to the Christians to embrace the 'Islamic City' concept;

(3) the Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Shia Iran, would be making the same call to the Sunni Muslims to embrace the 'Shia City' concept;

(4) the Pope would be making the same call to the Muslims to embrace the 'Catholic City' concept;

(5) the leader of the Mormon Church would be making the same call to the Catholics to embrace the 'Mormon City' concept;

(6) the leader of the Church of Scientology would be making the same call to the Mormons to embrace the 'Scientology City' concept;

(7) the Reverend Jerry Falwell (August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007) an American evangelical Christian pastor and televangelist, would be rising from the dead to make the same call to the Muslims to embrace the 'Christian City' concept;

(8) Adolf Hitler, still the spiritual leader of the world's Nazism, would also be rising from the dead to make the same call to the Jews to embrace the 'Nazi City' concept;

(9) Mao Tze-Dong and Joseph Stalin would also be rising from the dead together to make the same call jointly to the Capitalists of the world to embrace the 'Communist City' concept;

(10) the leader of the World Vegetarian Network would also be making the same call to all the meat-eating people of the world to embrace the 'Vega City' concept;

(11) the President of the Alcoholics Anonymous Worldwide would also be making the same call to all the healthy people of the world to embrace the 'Booze City' concept; and

(12) the Chairman of the Global Stamp Collectors Alliance would also be making the same call to all other people who actually have a life to embrace the 'Stamp City' concept.

More religious, political, ideological, leisure and what-not organizations of the world are expected to make the same call to the rest of the world, in the coming weeks and months. The world's media would face a chaotic scheduling problem as they try to decide which 'Embrace City' press conference, counter-press conference, counter-counter-press conference and re-counter-counter-counter-press conference to cover. The media are worried that if they leave out any such press conference uncovered, they would be accused of bias, discrimination, racism, and anti-whatever-ism.

The Chief Executive Officer of CNN has made his own call to the world leaders to consider postponing "making 'Embrace City' calls" to allow an orderly coverage by the world's media.

Meanwhile, the world's natural disasters, hunger, diseases, corruption and poverty problems go unreported, as the mass media are busy convering competing 'Embrace City' calls by the various organizations.

Editorial notes: “Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home.” -- Arsene Wenger, on Sir Alex Ferguson. This is very true when applied to the Dalai Lama's latest statement above.

We do wish that the Dalai Lama learn to be less divisive, chauvinistic, self-centered, and (to be honest) fascist. Imagine if EVERY RELIGION/ CREED says that THEIR belief system is the best, and should be followed, we'll have chaos. After all, who the f**k among us could tell for sure that our way is definitely THE right way and THE best way, and that others must follow? Only God knows that, not those who play-God.

What makes the Dalai Lama think that other religions, like ISLAM, does not "generate a harmonious lifestyle and curbed vice and crime"??? Maybe they would do better, MUCH MUCH BETTER, than the Dalai Lama's own religion in achieving those goals?? If that is the case, would the Dalai Lama's own followers happily accept living in an Islamic City, since Islam "stands for the ultimate good so we don’t see any wrong in others copying what we do"???

How much does the Dalai Lama actually know about other religious beliefs anyway, to give him the moral authority or enough knowledge as a basis to make that kind of claim?? Surely if you don't know anything about other beliefs, logically you would not know whether others are more inferior, or better, than your own, right??

Just like it is the Dalai Lama's f**king annoying habit of constantly criticizing those who speak up against his Buddhist ideology as "ignorant about Buddhism and therefore have no right to talk about Buddhism", the Dalai Lama should heed his own adivce and learn how to SHUT THE F**K UP.

And if you want to force YOUR religious beliefs down the throats of others, we really cannot see how you have the AUDACITY to ask people who speak up against your ideas to SHUT UP -- man, you got to expect some reactions when you are spitting at others' beliefs, right?!???!!

We at JB really cannot understand why is it that the followers of the Dalai Lama cannot f**king realize that to keep championing his own religious beliefs AS THE BEST that should be followed by all is, AT THE SAME TIME, DENIGRATING others' beliefs as INFERIOR??? We at JB really cannot see how this is conducive to world peace.

Please lah, grow up, focus on how to make everybody feel equal and at ease with each other, so we can unite as a poeple and face the bigger challenges from outside -- especially to defeat our COMMON ENEMIES. Instead of calling it the 'Buddhist City', why not call it the Peace City, so that EVERYBODY, regardless of religious background, can relate to and call his/her own??

We at JB seriously urge the Dalai Lama to stop thinking that he and the followers of his religion is like Manchester United, while the rest of us are just his INFERIOR competitors in a competitive league who are destined for hell. We are all in the same team, for f**k's sake, and we need to defeat our COMMON ENEMIES, so stop annoying others please!!!

Malaysian Men Banned From Non-OIC Countries

Juslo's Satire (Used without permission)


EMERGENCY UPDATE on 24 June 2008:
ONIC has issued travel advisory to the citizens all member states against travelling to the Northern Malaysian city of Kota Baharu. The ONIC Secretary General's Office says that the DEPTH OF PERVERSION AND DEPRAVITY of all men (or wolves???) living in that city has reached an 'extremely critical level' because in addition to being aroused by school uniforms (which is a national phenomenon not restricted to that city), men in Kota Baharu will also lose control of their sexual desire by the sight of lipstick and high heel shoes as well. It is believed that "incidents like rape and illicit sex" would befall any female wearing lipstick and high heel shoes.
The Malaysian Tourism Minister responded that "I could assure you, from my personal experience, that the women of Kota Baharu are delicioius, voluptuous, sexy and seductive enough without wearing lipstick and high heel shoes. This is to keep our men from losing their mind and self-control."


(Miami, Florida, USA, Friday, 31 June 2008) At the First Emergency Summit of the Organization of Non-Islamic Conference countries (ONIC) held here today, the ONIC have unanimously resolved that all Malaysian males who have attained the age of puberty be banned, with immediate effect, from travelling to their respective countries. All visas already granted to such Malaysian males are also automatically revoked with immediate effect. This issue was the only thing being discussed in this Emergency Summit.

Secretary-General of ONIC, Madam Angelina Jolie (above, who is also the United Nations’ Goodwill Ambassador and a renowned American actress), says that its member states were concerned about the serious lack of fundamental sexual maturity among Malaysian men which has reached a new, dangerous level, which is considered as posing clear and imminent danger to all females across its member states, including young girls and old women.

“The member states must do everything they can to protect all our women, especially our young, school girls,” said Madam Angelina Jolie. “Due to the latest authoritative confirmation by one of the leading scholars in Malaysia, the member states felt that they have run out of options to protect the safety of half of their populations (i.e. the females) from sexual harassments and attacks by a group of deeply troubled men, and depraved beasts – if I may say so. This is the only responsible and effective thing for the member states to do.”

The “latest authoritative confirmation by one of the leading scholars” referred to by Madam Angelina Jolie is the pronouncement by one of Malaysia’s most respected, most intellectual, most learned, most scholarly and most influential NGOs, the National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia, whose vice-president Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari (a leading authority on criminal psychology and gender studies in the Islamic world) has dished out her latest nugget of wisdom called the "Theory of Uniform Arousal", to the effect that the school uniforms worn by the students of the Southeast Asian country would invite “social ills, including rape, sexual harassment and even premarital sex.”

“This leads to babies born out of wedlock and, to an extent, even prostitution,” Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari said. “This could see them getting molested, having premarital sex and all sorts of things.”

This is despite the fact that the uniforms cover most of the flesh of the female body anyway, from the neck to the wrists and to the toes.

(Picture: A typical Malaysian school uniform)

It appears that the ONIC have monitored the sexual maturity of Malaysian men closely in recent years, and Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari's latest scholarly opinion firmly confirmed their respective opinions about the danger posed by Malaysian men. Analysts believe that the last straw which triggered this unprecedented ban was the Malaysian men's perverse attitude towards female school uniforms, because all of ONIC’s member states have less conservative school uniforms than those worn in Malaysia.

One woman Minister attending the Summit, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that

“When Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari opens her mouth, we all listen. With a group of men who could go crazy even by seeing innocent school uniforms like that, you really don’t know what would provoke them next. It makes you wonder what the f**k is going on in these men's heads, and how our Malaysian sisters could live in such a dangerous environment. I would say Malaysia is even more dangerous than Iraq, because half of the population is just waiting to pounce on the other half, 24-7. Our hearts and prayers are with our Malaysian sisters.”

An emotional Malaysian male journalist (who was due to be deported immediately after covering the Summit’s press conference) questioned Madam Angelina Jolie whether the ban was "racist and anti-Islam", due to the fact that Malaysia is currently the Chair of the OIC and that the views of Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari is widely shared by the member states of the OIC, especially distinguished and pious religious scholars such as the Mufti of Australia.

Upon learning about the male journalist’s nationality and before she could muster a response, Madam Angelina Jolie visibly panicked and immediately asked for the protection of the armed policemen present. After a barrier was formed by 10 policemen armed with AK-47 assault rifles between her and the male journalist, (who was more than 25 metres away below the stage anyway), she then took a deep breath, and proceeded to explain,

“If you could get aroused even by a 13 year old’s school uniform, I’m pretty sure you would have raped Lara Croft the Tomb Raider."

"As your country’s Sisters in Islam Programme manager, Miss Norhayati Kaprawi said, “Something must be seriously wrong with local men if the sight of girls in their school uniform turns them on.”

"So, we really can’t take any chances of having a bunch of horny animals who have absolutely no self-control whatsoever walking around the streets of Milan, Marseille, Miami, Monte Carlo and Mongolia, among glamorous and beautiful women. Even though the member states would lose the tourism revenue from Malaysian men, this is far outweighed by the corresponding savings in eliminating the need to beef up security at whichever place on our soils where a Malaysian man is found. It’s just not worth it.”

Referring specifically to Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari’s comments that “It becomes a distraction to men, who are drawn to it, whether or not they like looking at it… This leads to babies born out of wedlock and, to an extent, even prostitution… This could see them getting molested, having premarital sex and all sorts of things,” Madam Angelina Jolie added,

“Malaysian men can’t seem to distinguish between being pretty or sexy and being slutty. Even if it is not a question of rape, we would still save our women a great deal of harassment from sexually immature Malaysian men, who would definitely misunderstand the ordinary dresses of our member states’ women as an invitation to sexual intercourse, or to be under the mistaken belief that our waitresses at McDonald’s are actually prostitutes advertising their services. Indeed, Malaysian men are worse than Borat. At least, Borat was charming and hilarious. Anyway, we are happy to at least do without the flirting from these childish men, which is no great loss at all – after all, your own Minister has said that the Malaysian men aren’t exactly Brad Pitt material anyway, you know what I mean?”

This blanket ban would be the first time in history that an entire country’s male population has been banned by any other country, although it is less comprehensive than Malaysia’s own complete ban on all Israeli nationals from travelling to Malaysia, which is currently still in force. Therefore, analysts believe that the Malaysian government would not have the audacity to complain about it, since this is only a taste of 'half' of its own medicine.

In Miami beach, Florida, the Mayor has already announced that the City’s police have been given the authority to “shoot first, investigate later” any Malaysian men approaching a 5 mile radius of the famous Miami beach, where skimpily dressed sexy, young women is a common sight. “If they could go wild over school uniform, imagine what these sons of bitches would do to our half naked American beauties on the beaches.” Other socially liberal ONIC member states as well as countries with nude beaches such as France, Spain, Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Australia and Thailand are expected to adopt the same “shoot first, investigate later” policy towards any man looking suspiciously like a Malaysian, who comes close to any female (including the ugly ones).

For reasons still unknown to the international press, Ulan Bator is the 2^nd City to follow such a “shoot first, investigate later” policy towards Malaysian men found in the City, even though Mongolia is a land-locked country with no beach. The country's Deputy Foreign Minister has declared -- without elaboration -- that "We'll shoot any Malaysian man who dares to come to our country, absolutely! We'll blow them up too!!" fueling speculation that Mongolia's policy has nothing to do with the uniform issue but some other undisclosed reasons.

Meanwhile, back in Malaysia, it is reported that non-Muslim men are planning a street protest against the blanket ban, in an effort to clarify that they have a much higher degree of sexual maturity and self-control around women and girls, especially beautiful women, so that they should not be lumped together with their Muslim compatriots.

In Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur (the country’s hippiest fashion hub), T-Shirts bearing the slogans such as “I Am Not Horny, Angelina! (Even Though You Are So Damned Hot!!)” and “Hey, My Cork Doesn’t Pop at Uniforms!” are selling like hotcakes. Surprisingly, overwhelming majority of the buyers in the long queues are actually Muslim men, who seem to be ashamed of, and eager to distance themselves from, the enlightened opinion of Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari. This perhaps explains why there is a lack of protest of “Selling Out” against the non-Muslim men for their intended protest from the usually vocal UMNO Youths.

However, at press time, it is still unclear whether the country’s top leaders would be granted diplomatic exemptions for official visits to the ONIC countries, although the consensus seems to be that the country’s ‘trigger-happy’ Deputy Premier would most likely to be unwelcome in the ONIC.

The Malaysian Foreign Ministry spokesperson, while stated that Malaysia “understands with regret” the resolution adopted by the ONIC, have refused to comment on the Deputy Premier’s likely ban. However, the spokesperson did express the country's gratitude to Professor Tan Sri Dato' Seri Dr Munirah Bahari for publishing her "Theory of Uniform Arousal" and hailing it as "the most important discovery of Malaysian men's psychology since our Independence 50 years ago." The spokesperson added,

"In fact, if there ever was a "Theory of EVERYTHING" in the social sciences, this is it. It explains the root cause of EVERY SINGLE social problem faced by our country -- prostitution, sexual crimes, over-population by unwanted babies, et cetera et cetera et cetera et cetera! Our government will now follow the Professor's advice by changing the school uniforms. We believe that EVERY SINGLE ONE of our social problem will be automatically solved the moment we just take care of the school uniforms -- at ONE stroke of the pen only! No other country on earth could do this. This is pure genius!

So, the Malaysian Government will formally nominate the Professor for this year's Nobel Peace Prize. We believe that if the Nobel Prize committee is not racist and anti-Islam, the Professor would surely get a Nobel Peace Prize this year for her outstanding contribution to world peace (or at least peace in Muslim countries)."

Meanwhile, the Tourism Minister (whose status as a Woman is unclear), in a last-ditch attempt to woo back tourists to Malaysia, said:

"The ONIC might have missed the point here. We must remember that attraction is a 2-way process. Perhaps the ONIC women populations are simply jealous about the kind of attention our female population are getting from our men. Here is the other side of the coin: if Malaysian women could arouse our men into going wild by simply wearing a conservative school uniform, just imagine how astonishingly, breath-takingly pretty and sexy our women are! Come and check it out for yourselves -- I know I did!"

(Picture below: An unparalleled Malaysian beauty)

Well, it seems that outsiders would not be able to conclude whether it's the chicken (Malaysian men's extreme perversion) or the egg (Malaysian women's unequalled beauty) behind the "Uniform Arousal", unless they visit Malaysia personally. The intrigue continues...

Love - The Most Corrupted, Disgusting Idea

Something as DISGUSTING as this would wake anybody up from a coma!!

Just read what the most respected newspaper in Malaysia has to say about these 2 shameless people:

"NST reported that the couple had turned an abandoned toilet at the Gemas railway station into their home in March, after Ismail was employed to upkeep some new toilets located nearby.

They had used wooden planks and plastic to cover leaks and the toilet bowls."

At first, I was like "Wow, what a romantic story..." 2 persons, already 70 and 68 years old, who love each other SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH that they don't mind living in a tiny shithole (literally!) converted from a public toilet, while keeping themselves alive with a dirty, dead end job of washing toilets, which doesn't even pay enough for them taking public transport to collect medicine from the nearest hospital -- for the past 18 years.

-- so long as they have each other;
-- so long as they could grow older and older and sicker and frailer with each other, day after day;
-- so long as they can spend the last few remaining years, or even months or weeks, of each other's lifes together, until one of them slowly fades away...
-- so long as when one of them died, the other is holding his/her body in her/his arms, in this tiny paradise of love which belongs to them and them alone...


As they say in Hollywood movies,

“...to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow... to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Look at our young people today -- do they still understand what is 'love' anymore? Ask yourselves -- would you have married your husband if he only has a deadend, shit job of cleaning toilets, while both of you can only afford to live in a shithole the size of a public toilet?

For the blokes -- would you have worked till you drop dead just to keep both of you alive even though the only way to make an honest living for you and your wife is to clean other people's shit and lives in a shithole?

I don't think any of you would have lasted 18 hours like that, let alone 18 years.

I say we should make a movie about this extraordinary couple so that we can teach our kids HOW TO REALLY LOVE SOMEBODY, something most of them no longer knows how to do anymore. Maybe they should start teaching our kids how to love, instead of all the junk they teach in schools nowadays?

You might have been seduced by the romance of the story like me but wait a minute -- just read the headline:

'Abandoned toilet couple' not married

What the....!!!
NOT MARRIED?!? NOT MARRIED?!? Plague be on both your houses!!!!!!

To be perfectly honest with you, those 2 words totally changed my perception of the entire story, and completely destroyed my sympathy and admiration of this couple! I'm sure that as a pious and God-fearing person yourself, my dear reader, you would feel the same as well.

I feel so deceived, to be perfectly honest with you. When I first read the story, I was so touched, I wanted to cry for them! But now, to be perfectly honest with you again, I just want to see those 2 disgusting motherfuckers STONED TO DEATH or beheaded in Pasar Seni.

How dare they commit zina/adultery and khalwat/close proximity?!?!
In the name of ‘love’??? I say hell is their eternal abode!!
“because you love me”??!! Hell is their eternal abode!!
“I will always love you”??!! Hell is their eternal abode!!

Did I hear you say "Let them live the remainder of their lives as they wish, they are old adults, they know what they are doing"??!! Have you forgotten your Al-Amr Bil-Ma'roof Wa An-Nahy 'An Al-Munkar?! Didn't they teach you fardh 'ain and fardh kifaya?! What the hell kind of trash are they teaching you people in the religious classes nowadays???!!

Listen up, boys and girls, as uncle Aisehman said, It's A Sin!!

This shameful life of these 2 shameless people is even more disgusting than the toilets they are staying in. This is the perfect example of how the western ideas of ‘love’ have CORRUPTED not only our innocent, ignorant youths, but also our elderly, who have lived long enough to see enough crazy shit in life, and who are much more mature and know much better than you and I about what does life really mean, what is most important in life after all.

To hell with you, GREAT SATAN’s Hollywood!! DOWN WITH AMERICA!!! "Till death doth us part" my ass!!! Hell is definitely their eternal abode!!


Of course, while we shame the evildoers and hypocrites amongst us, we must not forget to honour our mujaheedeen too, the hero of the ummah, the defender of the faith!

You're the MAN, TUN Mizan Maulud!!! What would the UMMAH do without u!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISES AND THANKS TO GOD FOR Y-OOOOO-OOOOOOOOO-OOO—–UUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!

Yes, we can!! ;-P

Keep it up, our hero!!

(Incidentally, before you decide to denigrate our wise sister Munirah's enlightened, wise, incisive comments that “covering up” according to Islamic precepts was important to fend off social ills, including “rape, sexual harassment and even premarital sex" by cheekily pointing out to us that the makcik in the above report did cover up herself with a tudung/scarf but still (most probably have, I have full confidence in pakcik) committed extra-marital sex, or at least some 'social ill'... you are dead wrong!!

Why you are dead wrong?? Well, because... my ustaz says you are wrong!!!
You want to ask me the same question again because I did not actually answer your question?? ...Alright, that's it -- because you don't understand the religion, so you don't have the right to criticise it, just shut the fuck up, will ya?!!)


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The full report from NST is reproduced here. The MOST DISGUSTING part of the report is the title, as I'm sure you would agree:

'Abandoned toilet couple' not married

TAMPIN: It has been revealed that the poverty-stricken elderly couple who turned an abandoned toilet into their home are not legally married. They have been living together for the past 18 years.

The story of Ismail Mat, 70, and Rahimah Jolan, 68, was highlighted in the New Straits Times on April 4, and touched the hearts of many.

They were given a new house in the hardcore poor housing scheme in Kampung Tengah, Gemenceh, and a RM300 monthly allowance each. Television station NTV7 had given them RM2,000 and some groceries, and many others came forward to help.

State Welfare Department director Mizan Maulud said the couple's secret came to light after the department received a tip-off.

"We then asked the religious department to investigate, and were surprised when we found out that Ismail, from Jelebu, and Rahimah, from Jasin, Malacca are not married. Rahimah even has a husband who is still alive and well," he said.

The couple have been separated. Rahimah is in a welfare home in Cheng, Malacca, while Ismail is still living in their house in Kampung Tengah.

NST reported that the couple had turned an abandoned toilet at the Gemas railway station into their home in March, after Ismail was employed to upkeep some new toilets located nearby.

They had used wooden planks and plastic to cover leaks and the toilet bowls."