Some of the mentally challenged Malays teaching their kids how to be loving and tolerant
Juslo's Bawang
Friday, Feb 31, 2010, Kuala Lumpur – The Malaysian Government has just launched its “Protect 1Stupid Malaysia” Campaign today, which was officiated by the Prime Minster and attended by all the Malay leaders from the ruling party UMNO.
In his keynote address, the Prime Minister said:
Under this campaign, apart from disagreeing with the court’s decision that the word ‘Allah’ could be used by non-Muslims (by appealing until the higher courts agree with the Government, as they are bound to), the Government will also ban the use of a few important words in the Malay language by non-Malays, so that eventually, the use of the Malay language in any way, shape or form by non-Malays would be banned altogether.
First off, the most popular word “Bapa” would be banned. The word means “father” in Malay. Based on our survey, English-speaking Westerners like to use the word “Papa” to refer to their fathers affectionately, and Chinese Malaysians also commonly use this word to call their fathers, albeit sounding more like “Baba”, “Aba” or just “Ba”. The PM explained that it is very important to ban the use of this word by non-Malays because:
All the Ministers from the UMNO party (Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms) fully support the PM’s new campaign.
Dato' Seri Hishammuddin Bin Tun Hussein, the PM’s cousin and a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that because this is Tanah Melayu (the ancestral land of the Malays), it is the right of the Malays in Malaysia to do whatever they like including to be stupid, and to FORCE OTHERS TO CHANGE their own cultures and methods of worship, in order to respect the Malays' right to stupidity. He said that he is willing to pull out his keris (the traditional Malay sword) to defend this right.
Not surprisingly, his suggested word for banning is “keris”, so that Malay men do not confuse it with “kiss” when it is time to do battle with the non-Malays who challenge this right to stupidity. "Bunuh kafir itu dengan keris (kill that infidel bastard with a keris)!!" might be misunderstood as "kill that infidel bastard with a kiss!!", he explained.
Dato' Seri Dr. Ahmad Zahid Bin Hamidi, a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that just because a Malay is not blind, can read, and can recognise his/her own father, let’s not forget that Malays tend to become stupid whenever they are exposed to non-Malay cultures. Whenever they come into contact with non-Malays, all of a sudden, their world became very confusing - because, according to Zahid, non-Malays are always out to use every means at their disposal to confuse the Malays. (But he did not elaborate on why he thought this was the case.)
That is why, it is the mission of UMNO to protect these Malays so that they can choose to continue to live like idiots, and also because it is only by continuing to make them idiots that they will continue to support and depend on UMNO. “It is a win-win situation. If your people are stupid, it is your job as a leader to keep them that way, not to reason with them or to make them smarter,” he added.
In fact, being one of the more brainy ones in UMNO, Zahid’s goal is more ambitious. He figured that by banning the use of certain words by non-Malays, non-Malays will ultimately also lose the use of that word, therefore becoming as stupid as the Malays too. So, He suggested that the word “Enjin” be banned from non-Malay use, so that non-Malays (whom UMNO accuse as forming the majority of the opposition politicians) would stop questioning the Government and him about the embarrassing theft of the 2 fighter jet engines from the country's top security air force base (which occurred when the current stupid Malay PM was the Defence Minister).
(However, he later withdrew the suggestion and aborted the interview immediately after being told by his aide that actually, the word “enjin” was a word borrowed from English.)
Meanwhile, Dato' Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the top woman leader of UMNO, became immediately hysterical -- in the true UMNO tradition -- when she was asked to comment. “A lot of stupid Malay mums have called my organization to ask what more could they do to protect their stupid children from becoming very confused. We are going to meet whoever we can meet to make sure that Malays don’t get confused about whether they are actually stupid or not. If need be, we will apply to meet the King,” she said in a statement.
Naturally, being the top female Malay leader, she proposed the ban of the word “Mak” (meaning ‘mother’, in Malay language) as the obvious next step to the ban of “Bapa”. “If we don’t want stupid Malays to get confused about who are their fathers, surely we do not want them to get confused about who are their mothers either. In fact, I think, avoiding confusion about “Mak” is more important than not confusing “Bapa”, because nowadays, rich and powerful Malay men usually become very horny when they get older, so it is very common to have more than 1 “Mak” in a household, which can get very confusing for the kids.”
Finally, Datuk Seri Syed Hamid bin Syed Jaafar Albar, the ex-Minister who started all these controversies by imposing the ban of the non-Muslims’ use of the word ‘Allah’ even though non-Muslims in the country had been using it for hundreds of years even before Malaysia was born, said that the God-given right of Malays to act and talk like idiots and the Malay Rulers' role to protect the idiocy of the Malays was enshrined in the Constitution. Therefore, those who dare to question it should be immediately detained without trial for up to 2 years under the country’s Internal Security Act – for their own ‘protection’.
He suggested that the Malay word “Bodoh” (meaning ‘stupid’, in Malay language) should be banned from non-Malay use, because the word has now become too commonly used by non-Malays to call someone ‘stupid’ in an affectionate or joking way, such as "Eh, Bodoh lah you!" and do not mean it seriously. Therefore, Malays might get ‘confused’ and think that the person who is being called ‘Bodoh’ is seriously stupid, instead of only jokingly so.
“Because Malays are so stupid, they can’t tell if someone is joking or not. The pre-requisite to appreciating humour/have a sense of humour is intelligence, which unfortunately most Malays in UMNO and their ilk sadly lack,” he said, perhaps meant as an advice to the author of this post?
The Prime Minister launching his signature “Protect 1Stupid Malaysia” Campaign, with his wife and other UMNO leaders.
In his keynote address, the Prime Minister said:
“We all know that believing in Islam would make you stupid and vulnerable. (Some would say, ILLITERATE too – that’s why they couldn’t fucking tell that ‘Herald’ is actually a Catholic publication.) We also know that in Malaysia, by definition, all Muslims are also automatically Malays. That is why, the Malays/Muslims are a group of very easily confused people. So, the Government of Ketuanan Melayu has decided to launch this very important campaign to protect the stupid Malays of Malaysia.”
Under this campaign, apart from disagreeing with the court’s decision that the word ‘Allah’ could be used by non-Muslims (by appealing until the higher courts agree with the Government, as they are bound to), the Government will also ban the use of a few important words in the Malay language by non-Malays, so that eventually, the use of the Malay language in any way, shape or form by non-Malays would be banned altogether.
First off, the most popular word “Bapa” would be banned. The word means “father” in Malay. Based on our survey, English-speaking Westerners like to use the word “Papa” to refer to their fathers affectionately, and Chinese Malaysians also commonly use this word to call their fathers, albeit sounding more like “Baba”, “Aba” or just “Ba”. The PM explained that it is very important to ban the use of this word by non-Malays because:
“Let’s say a pious, highly educated Malay adult man with a highly successful professional career, walks on the street. Suddenly, he hears a little Chinese girl calls her Dad, “Baba”. Although this man is highly educated etc etc, to the Government he is STILL VERY STUPID (because as far as the Government is concerned, he is still a Malay), so he might suddenly become SOOOO confused and thought that the little Chinese girl’s Dad is actually his own “Bapa”!! How could a pious, good Malay call a kafir, Chinese pig “Bapa”?! We must never let this happen.
Not every father is a “Bapa”! So, non-Malays must not call their fathers “Bapa” or anything which remotely sound like that because we don’t want Malays to become confused about who are really their daddies. This would affect the supreme position of the stupid Malay fathers under the Malaysian Constitution and it is provocative to the stupid Malay fathers.
In the coming days, I shall ask all leaders of UMNO to suggest words which they think we should ban non-Malays in this country from using.”
Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms -- Proud Defenders of the rights of the Malay Race
All the Ministers from the UMNO party (Unbelievably Moronic Numbskull Organisms) fully support the PM’s new campaign.
Dato' Seri Hishammuddin Bin Tun Hussein, the PM’s cousin and a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that because this is Tanah Melayu (the ancestral land of the Malays), it is the right of the Malays in Malaysia to do whatever they like including to be stupid, and to FORCE OTHERS TO CHANGE their own cultures and methods of worship, in order to respect the Malays' right to stupidity. He said that he is willing to pull out his keris (the traditional Malay sword) to defend this right.
Not surprisingly, his suggested word for banning is “keris”, so that Malay men do not confuse it with “kiss” when it is time to do battle with the non-Malays who challenge this right to stupidity. "Bunuh kafir itu dengan keris (kill that infidel bastard with a keris)!!" might be misunderstood as "kill that infidel bastard with a kiss!!", he explained.
Hisham -- Kissing the Keris but not confused about Keris and Kiss
Dato' Seri Dr. Ahmad Zahid Bin Hamidi, a top-leader in both UMNO and the Malaysian Government, said that just because a Malay is not blind, can read, and can recognise his/her own father, let’s not forget that Malays tend to become stupid whenever they are exposed to non-Malay cultures. Whenever they come into contact with non-Malays, all of a sudden, their world became very confusing - because, according to Zahid, non-Malays are always out to use every means at their disposal to confuse the Malays. (But he did not elaborate on why he thought this was the case.)
That is why, it is the mission of UMNO to protect these Malays so that they can choose to continue to live like idiots, and also because it is only by continuing to make them idiots that they will continue to support and depend on UMNO. “It is a win-win situation. If your people are stupid, it is your job as a leader to keep them that way, not to reason with them or to make them smarter,” he added.
Zahid -- One of the brainiest leaders of his generation, extremely fluent in English
In fact, being one of the more brainy ones in UMNO, Zahid’s goal is more ambitious. He figured that by banning the use of certain words by non-Malays, non-Malays will ultimately also lose the use of that word, therefore becoming as stupid as the Malays too. So, He suggested that the word “Enjin” be banned from non-Malay use, so that non-Malays (whom UMNO accuse as forming the majority of the opposition politicians) would stop questioning the Government and him about the embarrassing theft of the 2 fighter jet engines from the country's top security air force base (which occurred when the current stupid Malay PM was the Defence Minister).
(However, he later withdrew the suggestion and aborted the interview immediately after being told by his aide that actually, the word “enjin” was a word borrowed from English.)
Meanwhile, Dato' Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the top woman leader of UMNO, became immediately hysterical -- in the true UMNO tradition -- when she was asked to comment. “A lot of stupid Malay mums have called my organization to ask what more could they do to protect their stupid children from becoming very confused. We are going to meet whoever we can meet to make sure that Malays don’t get confused about whether they are actually stupid or not. If need be, we will apply to meet the King,” she said in a statement.
Sharizat -- The Agong is our Agony Uncle
Naturally, being the top female Malay leader, she proposed the ban of the word “Mak” (meaning ‘mother’, in Malay language) as the obvious next step to the ban of “Bapa”. “If we don’t want stupid Malays to get confused about who are their fathers, surely we do not want them to get confused about who are their mothers either. In fact, I think, avoiding confusion about “Mak” is more important than not confusing “Bapa”, because nowadays, rich and powerful Malay men usually become very horny when they get older, so it is very common to have more than 1 “Mak” in a household, which can get very confusing for the kids.”
Finally, Datuk Seri Syed Hamid bin Syed Jaafar Albar, the ex-Minister who started all these controversies by imposing the ban of the non-Muslims’ use of the word ‘Allah’ even though non-Muslims in the country had been using it for hundreds of years even before Malaysia was born, said that the God-given right of Malays to act and talk like idiots and the Malay Rulers' role to protect the idiocy of the Malays was enshrined in the Constitution. Therefore, those who dare to question it should be immediately detained without trial for up to 2 years under the country’s Internal Security Act – for their own ‘protection’.
Syed Hamid -- His wisdom sent him into Happy Retirement
He suggested that the Malay word “Bodoh” (meaning ‘stupid’, in Malay language) should be banned from non-Malay use, because the word has now become too commonly used by non-Malays to call someone ‘stupid’ in an affectionate or joking way, such as "Eh, Bodoh lah you!" and do not mean it seriously. Therefore, Malays might get ‘confused’ and think that the person who is being called ‘Bodoh’ is seriously stupid, instead of only jokingly so.
“Because Malays are so stupid, they can’t tell if someone is joking or not. The pre-requisite to appreciating humour/have a sense of humour is intelligence, which unfortunately most Malays in UMNO and their ilk sadly lack,” he said, perhaps meant as an advice to the author of this post?
